This is a really clear article on needs in a relationship. it’s clear who it is addressed to (the woman complaining about neediness) rather than the person with needs but I’d question mark a few things if we are talking about our own needs in relationship https://www.google.com/url?q=https://medium.com/@GoodMenProject/the-one-non-negotiable-thing-about-every-relationship-6ae91d068966?source%3Demail-414c0231e996-1590461122901-digest.reader------1-73------------------dcf9005e_3636_4ca4_b0de_dfdefe21e131-1-13e0c3a6_3e9b_4bc9_88ee_47fb59505aee----%26sectionName%3Dtop&source=gmail&ust=1590571858964000&usg=AFQjCNFMHV1ZclUFaQNbopCZsLE26hLfwA&rct=i

She’s right - they are non negotiable if they are our needs. A relationship isn’t going to function, because we wont, if they aren’t met or respected in some way. And my goodness do people confuse wants and needs in relationships, a really good point

This is true - and clear - and oh goodness how unsimple it is in real life. Especially if our need clashes with another persons need (I need to be close all the time vs I need space a lot and I need reassurance vs I need to focus on me and not feel like I am forced to say things)

I think what is not mentioned here and what is quite important is the relationship between meeting one’s own needs and finding a partner who can meet those needs. The latter is where it gets v tricky.

And the cosmic shithousery of it is - at least in my experience - is the more you are available to meet your own needs, the more you will attract a partner/develop a relationship with someone willing and able to help you meet those needs.

Two other questions on needs in relationships which are sometimes helpful to keep us strong and open for connection
- 1. do I want to locate this need in someone else’s body?
- 2. what in terms of other people’s needs am I really willing to meet?

For example locating the need to know you are OK and a good person who deserves to be here without pain inside someone else’s body - ie they are the person who tells you that and that’s the only way you can feel it - as a long term strategy leaves you vulnerable

That’s a fuck load of power you’re handing to another human and my experience of humans including being one is they are deeply unreliable at times

2 is quite important because meeting some needs are quite energy expensive and that is actually perfectly fine if you enjoy spending your energy meeting that need. But one day you might want your energy for something else and is that ok?