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Do people actually stop to think about the impact raising children will have on their marriage?
I remember when our family friend looked at me complaining about my parents and said, "your parents were pretty much the best couple in uni till they started having children".
I remember when our family friend looked at me complaining about my parents and said, "your parents were pretty much the best couple in uni till they started having children".
I remember rolling my eyes.
Many years after that day, I realise that children test the individuals who have them.
Children show you the parts of you that you tried so hard to forget and if you didnt have a plan beforehand and continue to modify that plan, you'll drift apart.
Many years after that day, I realise that children test the individuals who have them.
Children show you the parts of you that you tried so hard to forget and if you didnt have a plan beforehand and continue to modify that plan, you'll drift apart.
Raising children is a team sport and everyone has to be invested physically, emotionally, socially etc. But traditionally, men are only expected to be financially responsible and women are meant to be responsible for all the other possible "allys".
I hear men complaining about how their wives are too engrossed in raising their children and notice that it never occurs to them to help ease that burden.
They're 'too busy' and it's not 'their job'. They say, She should be more organized. Their mothers did it, why cant she?
They're 'too busy' and it's not 'their job'. They say, She should be more organized. Their mothers did it, why cant she?
TBH, I lowkey think our mothers tied wrappers on purpose to look unsexy to avoid sex.
If one person is always exhausted it'll be difficult for them to be relaxed enough to think about sex. The simple step to making things better is to share more responsibilities,
If one person is always exhausted it'll be difficult for them to be relaxed enough to think about sex. The simple step to making things better is to share more responsibilities,
but people choose to throw tantrums&blame.
People start off unions together but are socialised to not raise children with that same together energy.
And so the complaints of "you dont do this or that anymore" flood in, the unmet and unspoken expectations increase, criticism,
People start off unions together but are socialised to not raise children with that same together energy.
And so the complaints of "you dont do this or that anymore" flood in, the unmet and unspoken expectations increase, criticism,
defensiveness and pure resentment grows.
It's not a sustainable system.
Together energy is important.
You need to be able to withstand the discomfort that comes with life individually. Your sex life needs it to keep your pleasure and connection at the forefront.
It's not a sustainable system.
Together energy is important.
You need to be able to withstand the discomfort that comes with life individually. Your sex life needs it to keep your pleasure and connection at the forefront.
Your relationship needs it to evolve as life evolves for you.
The children need to see their caregivers do things together so they learn lessons on togetherness.
They need to learn lessons on empathy, kindness and autonomy. If your union lacks this. "Telling" them wont work.
The children need to see their caregivers do things together so they learn lessons on togetherness.
They need to learn lessons on empathy, kindness and autonomy. If your union lacks this. "Telling" them wont work.
The couples that go through parenting with a plan to maintain their together energy find that raising children brings them closer.
They're able to talk, laugh, play more because they arent alone on the challenging journey.
How do you maintain this energy?
Start building it now!
They're able to talk, laugh, play more because they arent alone on the challenging journey.
How do you maintain this energy?
Start building it now!
Be sure you are both ready for the realities of raising children. How do you both want to navigate the new addition to your family?
Communicate relentlessly; the good&bad, the apologies, gratitude. Dont expect your partner to read your mind, y'all already read a baby's mind!
Communicate relentlessly; the good&bad, the apologies, gratitude. Dont expect your partner to read your mind, y'all already read a baby's mind!
Listen to each other vent. Not everytime problem solving, sometimes saying, "what can I do to help you feel better?" is all the support they need.
Team work is a non negotiable. Take turns keeping awake, going on individual self care activities and doing things for each other.
Team work is a non negotiable. Take turns keeping awake, going on individual self care activities and doing things for each other.
Make plans that involve only you and your partner. Stop waiting till the children get older. Make your relationship a priority on purpose, do things together. Always remember that you are on the same team.
Catch each other as you do the little things and celebrate them.
Catch each other as you do the little things and celebrate them.
Love is not fluff, healthy relationships require putting in the work, good parenting cannot be done on autopilot.
Ultimately, be a better you and choose your pairing wisely.
This is my morning reflection...
Love, Dr M
Ultimately, be a better you and choose your pairing wisely.
This is my morning reflection...
Love, Dr M
