I think being high-functioning autistic is fundamentally worse than being lower on the spectrum. I don't present symptoms readily, and I take great pains to mitigate my behaviors and develop scripts for every social situation I'm in on the regular.

This is then used against me.

It's really easy to excuse much worse behavior of autistic people whom slur words, run at the mouth or visually or verbally stim or lisp than it is the guy who's a bit verbose but otherwise cogent and alert. It's really easy to just say 'you aren't REALLY' autistic.

So I can't even really say 'I'm autistic I'm sorry I wasn't aware', I literally pass too well, but not well enough that I don't make mistakes, but enough that nobody is willing to help me learn from them.

I'm just broken enough to know how broken I am.

What's worse is even when I'm truly sorry nobody believes me, because they just view building social scripts as being a liar, or a manipulator.

No, I'm not trying to hide anything... I'm just trying to figure out what you want from me and still maintain my independence from you.

It's really easy for an autistic person to be taken advantage of because ultimately we want to be accepted, and it takes SERIOUS EFFORT to mold a script around a group of people that isn't built around pleasing their every desire to make them like you.

I can't even describe it.