I rt'd this and then realized I wanna talk about it. For me, some of the folks who I'm closest to were also close to my brother & dad. They know we aren't grieving in same way, but I think it makes it harder for them to reach out bc it's overwhelming for them too. + https://twitter.com/nicolesjchung/status/1265001794184364032

That said, I have felt incredibly supported by distant acquaintances or even strangers willing to hold space, willing to be in the presence of immense suffering. That is a gift - not advice, not distraction, not "on the bright side" - just being present. +

I have every single condolence card anyone sent me, for my dad, now for my brother. Before, I thought condolence cards were cold, unhelpful, empty gestures. Instead, I've found them to be incredibly comforting. I can reread them and give myself permission and space to be sad, +

While also being reminded that I am not alone. I've also been surprised to find that people saying they pray for me and my family is comforting, even if I don't share their beliefs (this is not true for everyone, I know others who are hurt or frustrated by it) - for me, it means

They took a moment to think of my, my family, our suffering and sadness, and to wish us well. In a world that seems to go by so fast, where everyone seems to have moved on while I am in a stand-still bc of grief, it is meaningful to me to know that someone else stopped in their

own rushed, busy life to really See us, to acknowledge our hurt, to bear witness. It's true that there are folks I thought would be beside me who weren't, folks I thought would have a longer memory, who would be more patient, gentle. I have probably done the same to others who +

were grieving, because I didn't know. I didn't know how bad it was and I didn't know what to do and I was afraid of doing/saying the wrong thing and my own life was also a shitshow. I guess I just want to acknowledge that sometimes the people close to you, the ones you'd expect

to be there, can't be, or they mess up. Sometimes, sure, they're shitty people who aren't really your friends. But I think a lot of times they love you and there's just more happening. Or they have no idea how hard it is, bc you can't really know until you're in it. And

Sometimes a stranger knows how hard it is bc they've been there and they are willing & able to connect. Argh I guess this rambling thread is just to say that I am grateful for people who show up, whether old friends or new, and I want to be kind towards those who can't right now.