I really hope there aren't a ton of people at this hospital tomorrow because the long weekend is over.

The first day after a long weekend is always bad.

Tomorrow is my appointment with an oral surgery faculty member.

I've never talked much about my dental stuff. I'm still not sure it was completely necessary, and it has caused a lot of problems for me now that I can't afford to get fixed.

In middle school I had braces, and then in high school I had them again to prepare me for the surgery when I turned 18.

Oh, my wisdom teeth were also removed to prepare me for this.

Braces twice was bad and has caused me severe gum recession now.

So I started out with a private practice surgeon because I was always told that I would need this surgery because my underbite was bad and interfered with chewing. And I would need an and a bridge because I was missing teeth in front. Born without them.

The private practice surgeon decided he couldn't do my surgery because I didn't have "faith" in him (I think I asked a question, which he perceived as rude.).

He referred me to Tim Turvey, the head of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery at UNC-Chapel Hill, who...

...basically invented the entire field.

Well, I'm not sure exactly what he invented, but I know that UNC invented it and every dentist or oral surgeon I would ever have for the rest of my life would tell me that Turvey wrote all their textbooks.

I was in some of these textbooks! I was photographed for them and used for some kind of case study, but I've never seen the textbooks about me.

Anyway! Turvey told me that the private practice doctor probably just didn't feel confident that he could do my surgery...

...and invented this perceived slight he felt from me to get out of it.

He put me in the calendar.

He wanted to handle my case, I think for the textbooks and the challenge.

I was considered a severe underbite case or something.

Bone was taken out of my skull (hair wasn't cut, just a small incision, and now I have an indentation in my skull) for grafting because the then more common hip bone grafting was considered a dated technique that required more difficult healing.

So, bone out of skull, they put in cheekbones in so they could basically bring out my upper jaw and also brought my lower jaw in.

This was all done at once and took 8 hours.

I had a splint (wiring the jaw was also considered dated) for 2 months, and then rubber bands...

...holding my jaw in place, and I couldn't eat solid food for a year.

My face was also swollen for a year, and I worried it would always look that way.

I was 18 and just starting college. So my first year of college, I survived on yogurt, ice cream, Carnation Instant...

Breakfast and pudding.

Sometimes I would order chicken nuggets and just suck on them until I could get them to dissolve in mouth because I needed to eat actual meat protein.

It took all four years of college for them to complete this process.

Synthetic bone was used for my implant, but it took six additional grafting surgeries for it to succeed.

These were done by residents who took care of minor surgeries.

This was all covered by insurance, btw. It was not considered elective.

So anyway, most college breaks, I'd go in and have my latest implant surgery, and the next one, they'd have to go back in to see if it worked...

It took six surgeries, after which you have to heal again.

But these were minor surgeries compared to the big one, so I didn't complain too much.

What I hated was the partial...

It was this splint with two false teeth to hide the front spot where my two teeth were missing and awaiting the implant.

It wasn't too noticeable talking to me, but it was gross and would get food stuck in it.

Sometimes it would pop out while I was eating. Food would just flood into it, and I'd have to quietly go to the bathroom to rinse it out before I could finish eating.

I didn't have sex for all of college.

You know how other people use that time to have a lot of sex?

I was still being influenced by evangelicals, AND I was also horrified that I was missing two front teeth and that they could just pop out at any time.

So I was horrified about the state of my teeth, and also concerned that they would never be able to put that implant in.

My final implant surgery was the summer after I finished college, and the actual implant was screwed in one week before I left with this program like...

...Peace Corps.

I don't talk much about that because I wouldn't choose to do colonialism like that again.

I should not have done it.

Anyway, that was that.

The main surgery was done in 1998.

I'm aware I basically had the best surgeon in the world who does this for it, and for that reason I think I've probably had fewer complications than most people do.

I do have very serious gum recession from years of braces, and I had to have a root canal in my mid-20s when I didn't have a cavity because the tooth just died from the major surgery.

The gum recession thing is bad. My nerves are all completely exposed, hot and cold hurt, and only Sensodyne makes eating possible.

Because of this pain, I sometimes have trouble telling if I'm having this or cavity pain or something else.

That matters because gum grafting isn't covered by my dental insurance.

I had it done once, when it was, on my upper teeth about 15 years ago, and the recession there has gotten bad again already.

But it's bad because exposed nerves attract plaque, and you can lose your teeth earlier.

Part of this is genetic. My mom also has it bad.

One day, I may actually have to do a gfm for this before I can afford it because I'm not sure how much longer this is sustainable.

Anyway.

In 2011, I developed severe swelling in the left part of my face. And a fever. That's where I was told this can be life-threatening and needs to be addressed right away.

I went to the emergency room at UNC, and Dr. Turvey came and operated on me that night.

13 years after my original surgery. I was uninsured, and he came and did the surgery for me immediately.

Removed the screws in the left side of my face, which were the source of infection.

He said patients are his patients for life if they want to be.

Apparently it's unusual to get an infection that long after the original surgery, but I did!

So, on Friday when I saw the surgery resident, he looked at my panoramic x-ray and said, "Turvey did this? Wow, they basically invented our field over at UNC."

So there are two particles from the original screws which may be a cause of infection now.

They were not removed at the time because they were deeply embedded in the bone, and it could have done too much damage to my skull to find them.

Anyway, the infection cleared for the...

...next 9 years.

The reason I wasn't sure if I should go in is because this time, if there is really an infection, it isn't nearly as severe as it was in 2011.

The pain isn't as bad. The swelling is comparatively minor, and I don't have a fever.

Also, I'm wondering if...

Should I need surgery on deeply embedded particles, should I in fact make a 10 hour no-bathrooms drive to NC so the best surgeon in the world, who says I'm his patient for life, can do it?

I don't think that's very feasible right now, so I don't think it will happen.

This surgeon may decide...

I think they are likely to decide that this infection isn't bad enough to risk a major surgery right now and I can go on a stronger antibiotic first.

So we'll see.

My therapist thinks it was a major source of trauma that I had a ton of surgeries throughout college and my whole face was reconstructed.

But I haven't really ever thought about it that much?

She thinks I'm gonna have some deep revelations about it.

My main feeling about it is that it was a waste not to have sex in college.

So anyway...

And I hate all the complications since, but I was likely to have a lot of them anyway.

Generic reasons, just shit British teeth on both sides of my family.

But that's why I only go to universities with full dental schools for my dental stuff.

Yale doesn't have one, so I have to drive to the UCONN hospital.

It really is genetic.

My cousin and I have a lifelong friendly rivalry, and at Thanksgiving we went through a long laundry list of everything we've had done to see whose experiences had been more harrowing.

Hers was bad, but I won.

Anyway, I may need to go back to Turvey, if this turns out to be something complicated.

One memory I have...

I hadn't even seen myself in a mirror, but as soon as my mom came into the recovery room and saw me with ice on my head and face, she started sobbing. So that alarmed me.

So, I definitely need to deal with this, and I'm really hoping the hospital building isn't packed after the holiday.