Had a lot of pent up anger when I was younger. Sports/lifting gave me an outlet for that. Not only did allow me to transmit pure unfettered rage into a barbell/shot put, but it also gave me a sense of control over my life. https://twitter.com/allthingsnams/status/1265047189711192064

And not having control was, of course, a huge part of the anger’s source. So it worked two-fold. It also gave me a sense of purpose, discipline, and schemas for building self-esteem. For better or worse I suppose! Tethering self-worth to how many pushups you can do isnt ideal!

But I think sometimes, rather than fighting the patterns that were instilled in you when you were younger, you learn to live constructively within them. (So long as it’s not actually harmful y’know). If it takes 2 hours lifting every morning for me to get my mind right, so be it.

Anyways, this is why I’ve doubled down on working out—despite having no equipment—during Covid. The world is on fire, and I can’t control it. I but I can control how many pushups I do. That’s enough to get me through the day.