I’ve had this question on my mind for a bit. And given the current discussions around Mike Todd’s preaching, it feels like a good time to circle back.

This might be a long thread? Not sure. We’ll see... https://twitter.com/badgodlessbitch/status/1263159945693978626

So. I recognize that, generally, women have born the brunt of purity and modestly culture within Christian circles far more than men. That’s a societal fact.

And yet, in my own life and backgrouen, I have found tremendous pressure as a man to also conform to purity culture.

I’ve sat in talks where STDs were called “satanically transmitted diseases.” Ive read, multiple times, Every Young Man’s Battle. Ive read, multiple times, the now-retracted “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” Ive been to “Men conferences” which were designed to reinforce the purity model.

I am not the only one in my social circle to go through this. It might be a combination of denomination and a specific type of Black Adventist Parenting, but many of my closest male friends went through similar or the exact same upbringing.

For me, growing up in a purity culture did several things:

It made sex scary.

It made me thing sex was at the center of Christian ethics.

It made me think Christian ethics around sex was easy.

Making sex scary:

A lot of negative consequences flowed from this. I interpreted sex as a bright line rule, one in which intercourse was forbidden but “everything else” was fine. This is, I think, a classic move among certain circles.

Making sex scary:

I was TERRIFIED of my libido. I do mean terrified. I felt like it was holding me back. Like if I could just get rid of it then I would become a good person, be able to accomplish more. I saw it as an enemy. Something that must be smothered. Drowned.

What a combination right? To be both fully immersed in an “everything but” culture of sexual activity but also be terrified of the drive that got me there. Where does that lead? To massive amounts of shame and self loathing.

It also made me think that all of Christianity centered around sex. That it was the end all be all marker of what it meant to be a disciple.

This stunted my moral growth in other areas, as I have we so focused on “conquering” this, I left other parts my character unattended.

And then, of course, it made me think that Christian sex ethics are easy. Sex before marriage? Bad. Sex after marriage? Good. The end.

And I guess...here is where I wanted this thread to end up...