Usually I don‘t mind my #echolalia - even though the reactions of other people can be really scary, and cause much harm.

But when my brain keeps pushing to echo a sentence from a movie that contains the n-word it does become a very serious problem.

#autism #ActuallyAutistic

I consider myself lucky that this sentence is the only one with any racism in it that my brain has EVER pushed me to echo.

And it‘s only because it begins with „What‘s up“ - one of my scripted phrases for frequent, daily use.

Please, PLEASE let me remain able to suppress it.

I havn‘t watched this movie in many years.

Unfortunately my brain holds onto pretty much every echo that ever got triggered forever...even though the echos it USES tend to come and go in phases.

There‘s hope that in some weeks this specific echo will fade away again - please!

I do believe that the fact that I‘m so ferociously suppressing this particular echo contributes to my brain pushing so hard for it to come out.

However, if I do allow it to come out (or eventually can‘t control it anymore), my brain will then go on to echo it too.

Can‘t win.

What does it feel like to have an echo lingering in my brain, pushing to be spoken, suppressing it with all my might?

Horrible.

It‘s comparable to holding in an urgent cough. I have to hold my breath, tense up my entire body, bite my tongue, grunt, growl, fight, fight, FIGHT.

While I can currently manage to suppress speaking the phrase out loud, I can NOT suppress it being in my brain.

My mouth doesn‘t speak it, but my brain does.

Over and over and over, every time I encounter my husband and my „What’s up“ script triggers.

It‘s exhausting.

I am currently at home so there‘s no risk of me saying this phrase while anyone besides my husband can hear.

But it‘s scary thinking about this happening in front of others.

Especially strangers, and people who don‘t understand.

I don‘t want them to get harmed - or me.

I sometimes see people talk about #echolalia as a means of communication, and that is a possibility.

I frequently communicate with borrowed words and phrases.

I’ve never seen involuntarily echoing problematic words/phrases talked about, so I figured I‘d share my experience.

So there you have it:

#Echolalia - repeating sounds, words, or phrases one hears - can be immediate or delayed, conscious or subconscious, voluntary or involuntary, controllable or uncontrollable.

Happy to answer any questions!

#autism #ActuallyAutistic #disability

PS: I had to delete and repost this thread due to a racist infesting the replies under the first thread.

I do wish I had the option to close replies so this doesn‘t happen.
But at this point all I can do is delete & repost so my thread doesn‘t lead to their racist replies.