I'm calling this one Had a Goldfish, Killed a Goldfish: One Man's Obsession With Size or The Fish Can't Handle the Pressure or The Pleco Conspiracy

So, as the above title demonstrates, we had (read: past tense ) a goldfish.

This goldfish was the free kind --You know, the fish you get for free after you spend an exhorbanate amount of singles at the county fair!

Anyway, Free Fish came home over a year a going and immediately pulled rank, killing the not-so-free smaller fish in the tank, and doing what can only be described as Destroying Nemo... except Nemo would be a snail, not a cute clown fish with disproportionate fins!

Free fish was evil --now I'm questioning why I bothered with the earlier because he really was an asshole-- So, Asshole Fish had this habit of jumping (wait, do fish jump? Maybe Google knows)...

what I'm saying is Asshole Fish would try to escape all Free Willy style, without the dramatic soundtrack and cute little boy standing on the rock wall beneath him. He did this any time someone rounded the corner into the kitchen.

I'm guessing we spooked him; but honestly, we were the one's who jumped out of our skin because fish should be quiet and calm... not Asshole Fish!

No, Asshole Fish would dart to all four corners of that tank and stir up some shit; gravel would be lifted from the bottom of the tank, plants (plastic because it's a child's tank) would be disturbed and need reseting into the gravel...

and poor New Snail would slowly fall from the plant leaf it had traversed. Poor New Snail... he didn't last long either!

Other Adultl mentioned, on several occasions that Asshole Fish was getting too big for his tank and decided he should upgrade...

but not before adding another New Snail and Pleco the wall-sucking fish (those creepy things that look like they'd relish the opportunity to suck your eyeball from your head given the chance**) to the already inhabited domain known as Asshole's Hell Hole!

New Snail 2.0 didn't make it; but Pleco the wall-sucking fish still kicks (sucks? Whatever!)

Other Adult finally bought the bigger Asshole's Hell Hole and decided to set the tank up this past Sunday while I was at work. When I got home last night Asshole Fish was swimming around that bigger pad like a boss, perfectly content to kick more ass and take more names...

jokes on you Asshole Fish because I put my foot down about sacrificing any more aquatic life just to see if "things would work out this time!"

This morning, Asshole Fish was hanging too close to the water's surface, nestled beside the filter. What is it about fish hugging the filter when they're ready to cross that Coral Bridge, anyway?

Asshole Fish was still with us when I first noticed his affection for the filter; so I woke Other Adult and had him begin aquatic CPR

--don't laugh, he actually saved that fish's life a few months ago by adding a stronger filter/pump to the tank--

But this tank was bigger, and had the same size filter/pump he'd replaced in tiny Asshole's Hell Hole. So, logic therefore dictates that something even bigger is necessary now...

Every effort was made to save Asshole Fish, but lesson learned... Bigger isn't always better!

I think Asshole Fish realized that he was no longer the big fish in the little pond. God knows what we could have added to challenge his position now that we had room!?!? And the stress was just too much for him!

Rest in peace, Asshole Fish! At least now we can all go in the kitchen without suffering mini heart attacks!

(Sidenote: I just realized, I've typed the word Asshole 17 times in this thread --I blame the fish!)

Sidenote 2: I just saw Pleco the wall-sucking fish; and I swear he was smiling! Well played you creepy little sucker!!!)

**Disclaimer: The author of this post shall not be held liable should Pleco-eyeball sucking become the Tide-Pod Challenge of 2020. I do not condone such ass-hatery!

In fact, should readers choose to attempt Pleco-eyeball sucking, then you deserve what comes... Stupidity should be painful