Learned a new phrase I want to really break it down for what it means "the gatekeeper of punishment" the context of punishing someone for something they did to wrong you. The difference of energy in letting go and upholding the punishing and seeing it through until you satisfied

For example, someone did or said something you didn't like. And you punish them by separating and speaking less. Deep down you crave and miss them. But you're sticking to this punishment. How long do you feel this should go on? At what point do you feel whole and satisfied?

I've always been an eye for eye type mentally or even more vindictive. For example kill my mother and I'll kill your family. But did this bring my mother back. I just moved this pain from one state to another while significantly raising the intensity of the damage.

I was apart of the "gatekeepers for punishment" and today I realized it takes if not triple but double the energy than it would than just doing what my heart, mind, body and soul aligns with authentically and compassionately.

No more you did this thing to hurt me so I want you to hurt to. But you did this thing to hurt me and I forgive you holistically. In time I'll allow space for you again without restraint. I don't want to continuously move pain between us in the name of punishment or anger.

This does not remove accountability or improving on the issues. It just creates a safe space. A safe place to land. This dismantles the emotional violence within myself. I can't put out a fire with more fire but with an ocean, strong winds or even enough soil.....