I think it& #39;s great when a spouse puts time and effort into exploring how to continue a marriage if their partner comes out and transitions. But I think it& #39;s unfair to demonize a spouse for leaving because of it. People are allowed to seek their own version of happiness.

But can we like not go to the whole "widow" thing? That& #39;s kinda weird and disrespectful to me because I& #39;m still alive, and I& #39;m still me in so many ways.

At the same time, I’m not “me” in a lot of the ways I used to be "me" to survive…

2/

Pretending I& #39;m still "me” like I used to be me is invalidating. I transitioned because I wasn& #39;t being the me I am now. A lot of differences between the two mes are reasons my ex was attracted to old me. I think *expecting* her romantic/sexual attractions to change is unfair.

3/

I& #39;ve spent years hurting and mourning the loss of my ex and marriage because of my transition. It still stings. I *still* have some days where I want to not be alive anymore because I couldn& #39;t continue as [deadname], when the guilt saturates, and it feels like I can’t win.

4/

Ultimately I& #39;m the one who needed to transition, not her.

So I try to disconnect myself from *my* mourning and sadness and wants and desires and remember she deserves what *she* wants, a husband, and it& #39;s ok that she was angry at her’s going away, because a husband I am not.

5/