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TW: suicidal thoughts
Wanted to share this. It was this past December, the Sunday before Christmas. I was playing DnD at a friend& #39;s house where our group meets. The group is me, two awesome bi girls 1 year younger than me, a third girl my age, & the girl& #39;s father is the DM.
Wanted to share this. It was this past December, the Sunday before Christmas. I was playing DnD at a friend& #39;s house where our group meets. The group is me, two awesome bi girls 1 year younger than me, a third girl my age, & the girl& #39;s father is the DM.
They& #39;re all cool. I& #39;m lucky to have them. Last we played was in March something. Cause of Corona, we have to postpone Sunday session/meet ups til whenever in the future. Probably next year. So on this Sunday in December, I gave them some week early Christmas gifts. We gamed.
I didn& #39;t sleep. I usually never do before Sunday meetups. Around 2 or 3 pm, well into the game, I zoned out. ADHD kicked in. About 4 to 7 minutes, DM is giving story. I stop zoning as he asks me what I do with my character. I asked if my character was at the locksmith& #39;s yet.
Turns out my character already got there. DM laughed my confusion off. I took my turn, while embarrassed & incredibly angry at myself. I took out my brown journal which was a birthday gift given to me by one of the bi girls who was my classmate & she always sits to my right.
I started writing into my journal. How pathetic I was. How I should die. All types of self destruction. My friend to the right can see. The other girls realize I was mad at myself. Especially when I destroyed like two pages when writing "Fuck You" that became rips into the paper.
Game wrapped out to a good point. Took a break from writing before writing more suicidal & demeaning stuff while the girls talked for 2 to 3 hours. Didn& #39;t want to disturb them. Just quietly wrote & wrote more. Stopped working & paced for 10 minutes as time to leave approached.
Gave thanks & sorry to the DM & daughter. The bi girls is always my ride back home. Words began to fill my mouth as I sat. "Fuck me." They wanted me to talk about so I did after nearly throwing myself out of the car. I vented some stuff out. Apologized to all of them that night.
They were surprisingly not mad. I guess cause I wasn& #39;t a prick or rude to them despite me worrying I was. They knew I was bothered by several shit. We all felt good & closer after all that. I was reminded of this story when a friend asked if I can jot my venting down in a book.
