Ah ha haaaaaaa

I havent replied back any mohon maaf lahir dan batin messages. I have this somehow a traumatic experience with messages/chats in general. I cant even hold a conversation through chats for a long time.
It's like demanding me to reply to them asap.

Terus hal ini diperparah sama creepy guy yang wa mohon maaf yes yes.. trus ngasih kesan 'ini lho aku udh ngerendahin diri. Aku sudah berubah jd org baik, jadi kamu punya alasan utk bls perasaanku'' ????

Trus?? Aku harus bersikap ramah dan mikir ''oh orang ini ternyata baik. Sudah berubah dia. Aku harus balas perasaannya. Ok aku akan milih dia jadi pasangan hidup.''
Shit I regret to even think about it.

I gave my answer and it's of fucking course no. You dont have any idea how he really terrified me.
But hey I've forgiven him and asked him to stop contacting me. Completely cutting ties. I straightforwardly said those to him.

Also ''maaf aku belum bisa balas kebaikanmu yg pernah km berikan.'' Hah? I'm so sure I never act nice to you the moment I learned for what you've done.
Honestly, his blinded by his own ideal of future wife.
Just please stop. Stop talking about marriage.Stop making me feel worse.

Sumpah ya dari kemarin ngerasa down, ketakutan gak jelas cm gara2 orang ini.
If I were to describe my feelings it will be like, dont tell me what to do, dont demand anything from me.
Capek tau harus nurutin ini itu. Gak dari keluarga gak dari org lain.

I guess that is all. For tonight. Gggg I forgot to put warnings at top of this thread. Sorry for everyone reading this
I'm just sad that I cant enjoy things I love atm and also feel terrified..