I guess I'll do a summary of the UK news thing, not because anyone asked, but because I was dumb enough to watch it. I'm taking broad strokes here...

So, the Prime Minister has this bro named Dominic Cummings. Dominic gives him all his ideas and high-fives. Together, they make music, terrible, terrible music. So, way back, the UK government was like, "What if we just Leeroy Jenkins this COVID thing?"

So Boris Johnson went to see COVID patients and shook everyone's hand and was all "it's cool" and then he got COVID and had to be hospitalized because he went to see COVID patients and shook everyone's hand. His bro Dominic found out and literally ran out of the building:

Meanwhile, the UK government decided that maybe this thing had been handled badly and had to slam down the lid on everything, everywhere and issued a ban on more or less all travel, everything. Just everything. You get sick? You stay home.

That was on March 23rd. A few days later, Dominic's wife gets sick. And then he gets sick. So what does he do? He gets in his car and goes from London to Durham. Which is almost a WHOLE COUNTRY away. About 4-5 hours by car.

(I regret starting this. But here we are.)

He had gone to his parents' house, apparently. Because they needed child care? Five hours away? So they have broken lockdown up there. Then, around the 12th of April? They are spotted a half an hour away from THERE, at Durham Castle. We'll get to this.

I don't have the emotional energy to look up all the various reports or lack thereof that went on in this time frame. The Prime Minister and his office were asked a bunch of times why his MAIN BRO who helped WRITE THE POLICY was just driving around in violation of that policy...

And they either didn't reply or said this was the media's fault or that he didn't or something. Also, a correction, he went to Barnard Castle, not Durham Castle. Barnard Castle being a castle near Durham. He went to a CASTLE. We'll get to this.

Okay, so people are REAL MAD. SO MAD. SO, SO MAD. Boris Johnson came out yesterday and was basically like, "He did this because he is awesome." Which did not go well. So today, Dominic Cummings went out and gave a press conference in a garden to explain.

It did not go well.

The summary of this, was: what could I, a mere boy of 48 who writes all of the government policy right now, what could I do except drive all around the country while I had COVID? When no one was supposed to? Oh, you want to know why I went to A CASTLE?

This is the best part.

His vision got blurry when he was sick. He wasn't sure if he could drive home. So he decided to test it by driving a half an hour yo a castle. Which is the standard test to see if you are fit to drive in the UK. If you can make it to a castle, you're golden.

Nothing bad can come of driving to a castle.

It's a weird thing to do, but these are weird times and these are weird people. Also, they are bad people. Stupid people. Who went to COVID wards and were all YOU CAN LICK THE WALLPAPER IT TASTES LIKE SNOZZLEBERRIES so, you know, blurry vision, drive to a castle.

Also, he was a half hour late for a press conference which was literally in a garden outside of where he was so maybe don't go anywhere with Dominic Cummings.

Also, he drove there with his wife and son in the car, because if you're going to get weird and risky, take your family. Don't let those suckers sit on the sidelines.

So reporters asked why he did these weird and bad things, breaking the rules the government set down to slow the spread of the disease? That they caught because of their lack of care? And were now potentially SPREADING?

And he's like, who even knows what the rules are? And they were all, you because you wrote them. And he was all

Anyway, that is where things stand now. They asked him to say sorry to all of the people who have remained at home, said goodbye to loved ones over the phone, suffered, done without, and struggled. To which he said:

And that is the story of Mr. Cumming's Wild Adventure as I understand it and it is