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1 The church is full of "nice guys."
They are insecure, selfish, and manipulative.
This aren't kind, meek, or gentle guys.
These are men who have adopted a posture to get what they want and they get down right nasty when they don't get it.
What do I mean by "nice guys?"
They are insecure, selfish, and manipulative.
This aren't kind, meek, or gentle guys.
These are men who have adopted a posture to get what they want and they get down right nasty when they don't get it.
What do I mean by "nice guys?"
2 I have Glover’s definition in mind. A “nice guy” is a man who operates according to the belief that:
“If I am good, then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life.”
Thus, he must become what he thinks others want him to be and hide displeasing things.
“If I am good, then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life.”
Thus, he must become what he thinks others want him to be and hide displeasing things.
3 Glover says: "Just about everything a Nice Guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone's approval or to avoid disapproval."
If he can achieve this, then others will fulfill their part of the deal and meet his needs. But this a "covert contract."
If he can achieve this, then others will fulfill their part of the deal and meet his needs. But this a "covert contract."
4 These contracts take the form of 3 “if-then” equations:
No. 1 If I’m a nice guy, then everyone will love me and like me and women will sexually desire me.
No. 2 If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will met my needs without me having to ask.
No. 1 If I’m a nice guy, then everyone will love me and like me and women will sexually desire me.
No. 2 If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will met my needs without me having to ask.
5 No. 3 If I do everything right, then I should have a smooth and problem-free world.
“Nice guy-ism” is ultimately a people-pleasing performance mindset rooted in a deep fiction.
Thus, the nice guy—no matter how hard he tries—is doomed to fail and become embittered.
“Nice guy-ism” is ultimately a people-pleasing performance mindset rooted in a deep fiction.
Thus, the nice guy—no matter how hard he tries—is doomed to fail and become embittered.
6 Here's a memory verse for nice guys to internalize:
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” Col 3:23-24
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” Col 3:23-24
7 It's good to have the respect of other men and woman.
But you mustn't be enslaved to getting validation from some alpha-guru type and/or from women.
If you are in Christ, you have the love and approval of God.
Live fearlessly for Him. The fear of man is a snare.
But you mustn't be enslaved to getting validation from some alpha-guru type and/or from women.
If you are in Christ, you have the love and approval of God.
Live fearlessly for Him. The fear of man is a snare.
