If you don't eat Yahuza or IS Suya your weekend is not complete. You wash it down with Habib Yoghurt. You start your day with tea sweetened with Dangote or BUA sugar. You shop at Sahad or H-Medix because they're the most reasonable in pricing.

You skip empty Totals and join queues at Azman because you don't like air in your tank. If Mallam sells you naira you don't even count. Your girlfriend is not marriage material if she doesn't know how to cook Dangote pasta. You love the sweet taste of Faro and miss Yankari water.

But if you see kids enjoying their parents' labour it must be your money. Meanwhile if your governor or senator is investigated it is a grand conspiracy between Buhari, Tinubu, Obama, and the Queen of England.