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Remembering a non-combat related death today. Although I guess suicide is combat related. RIP to my friend who put the barrel of a M249 in his mouth, loaded a small 10 round belt of ammo,& zip tied the trigger to the back of the trigger well
Remembering a non-combat related death today. Although I guess suicide is combat related. RIP to my friend who put the barrel of a M249 in his mouth, loaded a small 10 round belt of ammo,& zip tied the trigger to the back of the trigger well
We receive “anti suicide” training in the army, and one of the classes talks about how people mess up when they eat a barrel and sometimes survive bc they don’t aim right. He wanted to remove that chance, so he chose a belt-fed weapon and a zip tie so that he’d do it right
I think I’ve tweeted about him before and used his name, but I have a few more followers now and I don’t know what story his parents were told. I know his death in the official press releases are all vague as hell. Committing suicide in a war is considered dishonorable
So I’ll just say that my good friend and I used to play dungeons and dragons in between patrol, details, guard duty, and maintenance. We were both privates. He was a super sweet kid and didn’t belong in the Army or Iraq in 2007. Very few people do I guess.
It was the wave of suicides during my era — the surge era of 2006/2008 — that made the army face the tremendous threat. The “invisible enemy.” Now they’re trying to make it less taboo to seek help. Regardless of where they’re at with it now, it was too late for my friend.
Combat stress is combat stress. And his platoon bullied him for being a nice, caring, regular human. He had loving parents he talked to regularly, and I remember they sent him some of his favorite CDs just before he died.
I’m crying bc I remember him getting that package with the CDs and he was so hyped. He had a lot of music to listen to. Lots to get through. It would have taken him a week. But he killed himself two days later.
“He seemed perfectly fine”
“He seemed perfectly fine”
I don’t know why I always do these threads instead of going to therapy like a responsible adult, but before I start Memorial Day off, I have to get this off my chest before I even get out of bed.
I always hate this holiday. I have so many young friends who died. I have so much guilt for surviving. I have guilt that my friend killed himself and I said “that’ll never be me” but I’ve made a plan twice in my life.
And I hate that spoiled brat Americans have no concept of mortality. No concept of what death means and looks like. “Just let people die from disease and poverty. It’s natural.” What the absolute fuck do you know about death
My experience with it comes from war, which isn’t very natural, but people seem to be a big fan of it for some reason. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion about war. Don’t have to be a player to be a commentator. Just a good spectator.
Which I guess wraps this up for me. My friend killed himself for complicated reasons in a complicated place. Today is about remembering people who died in war and some people probably think he deserved his mental anguish. And that I deserve my life of guilt and ideation.
I’m not interested in changing anyone’s perspective on war. Just on death. If this is about remembering people who died in war, we have to include the “silent enemy.” Suicide is part of that death toll. Death is death is death is death.
Either you want to reach out to people and help prevent death, or you don’t. That’s all I’m thinking about this “Memorial Day.” I have zero flags to wave and zero burgers to grill. I’m just thinking today about people who care about other people, and people who don’t. End thread.
