Story time #phdchat :
Earlier this year, I was in brief correspondence with Maori scholar, Linda Tuhiwai-Smith in relation to her groundbreaking book "Decolonizing Methodologies" (details of whatever we talked about should be out anytime this year). But what I have realized...

is that there's an insecurity among indigenous scholars researching about themselves within academia that I know is hardly something new. But this insecurity is not just the straddling/negotiating between western scholarship and ourselves, or colonialism and decolonialism...

But its negotiating between the rigid (western) forms of scholarship and our own grassroots, experimental agenda. The task of decolonization means to also challenge institutions that made possible our position to even do research. It's political as it's also emotional...

And I am of course coming from the brilliant points already raised by LTS on decolonial methodologies. But to further her discourse, let's talk about existing manners of due diligence when it comes to any research proposal: the review of related literature/studies...

As proof of one's familiarity, expertise, or groundwork in any proposal, one has to list and discuss what has already been said and done. As an indigenous scholar, this tradition is disconcerting to say the least, to be confronted with the history of your community....

from a predominantly white/western gaze. While I do not mean to generalize the discipline, anthropology has done its fair share in furthering colonization. My insecurity is a dilemma of getting my proposal approved by parading white "expert" researche(r)s that came before me...

There's a layer of othering in this insecurity; while my scholarly pursuits will always aim toward decolonization, preexisting structures in academia and other politics such as fellowships force my research to rely on furthering those I am critical of...

And altho we can subvert/challenge not just the traditional structure of research methodologies (LTS proposes several ways to do this) but also question these initial researches, the emotional labor and trauma involved in making yourself bold enough to lay claim...

to an "indigenous studies" conquered by foreign/white/colonial scholars is overwhelming. They were not just there before you but were privileged enough to "choose" their subject of study while you grapple with economic and political difficulties of being "global south"...

And it will always come to this ridiculous point: Regardless if they are white, they have done the research and they have done it well. It is not for us to devalue scholarship by silencing those we are ideologically against. Let me make this clear: RESEARCH IS IDEOLOGICAL...

More so for indigenous peoples whose histories, identities, cultures, languages, and traditions have been marred by colonization and the effects of these pervade even in the most "objective, scientific" academia. And it's always our place to say that we have had enough...

Research for us was a military tactic, a dehumanizing tool, and the knowledge colonizers have stolen from us built the foundation of many reputable institutions that trained scholars who now go to our communities to study us once again, and who now litter the RRL of my proposal..

I studied their work, I have done the due diligence. I can respect (some of) them. But I will never fall in gratitude for their expertise that thrived in our vulnerabilities. Tuhiwai-Smith is right: "research is...the dirtiest word in the indigenous world's vocabulary"...

It is the cruelest, it is the most painful. But research is also filled with possibilities, it will always have room for resistance and community! I am happy to have met and/or engaged with a lot of scholars here, making this difficult journey bearable in good (virtual) company..

And on that subject:

shout out to @dadadocot for reminding us to stand our ground! Join her running list of #PhilippineScholars that strives to connect the global south #academictwitter together. <3

END OF STORY.
#phdchat