Well, it’s Memorial Day. The second one I’ve reached since my brother was killed in action last January. I know I’m just one of many Gold Star family members navigating it, but for what it’s worth, here are some thoughts from a dumb wig comedian on Twitter.

In my last phone conversation with my brother, he mentioned his frustration with the empathy gap between civilians and soldiers. One reason behind it, he guessed, was that when we view the military with a filter of vague reverence, we miss the humanity of the individuals.

When that distance widens, it becomes very easy for us to picture those in the armed forces as symbols of our own security rather than fellow human beings. We gotta stop that. We really do.

Today is a day of remembrance. A day to honor the nearly 1.4 million lives lost in military service to our country. I respect the poignancy of that. But it also feels too impersonal & huge a concept to truly hit home. What does honoring 1.4 million lives even look like?

My brother was a highly decorated Green Beret with a passion for his livelihood. More importantly, he was an endlessly proud dad, a loving husband, a dedicated son and a really, really great big brother.

His heart beat for the underdog, he was almost always sun-burnt and he would regularly recite poetry he’d memorized, unprompted. What a weirdo, right? I could write volumes. There was no one else like him.

When I think that each of those 1.4 million others had their own stories like my brother’s, their own idiosyncrasies, their own aspirations and prospects, and their own families who mourned them, the loss becomes overwhelming. It’s devastating. It’s incomprehensible.

But I think for at least a moment today, it’s important to sit and and try to contend with the weight of that loss.

For me, it’s a powerful reminder that honoring the fallen doesn’t have to be a fleeting gesture. It doesn’t have to be passive or general or treated like some inevitable sacrifice that must be paid every year before we enjoy our summers.

I view today as a wake-up call to my own responsibility as a citizen of this country. To stay as engaged & informed as possible. To put my vote toward policies that actually value & protect the lives of our soldiers in real tangible ways. To help close that gap between us.

Maybe that’s a naive way to feel. But my brother was the most optimistic, proactive guy I’ve ever known, and it feels like the right way to pay my respects.

Sorry this was longer than I wanted it to be.

TLDR: Totally cool to have a fun (socially distanced) cookout today, just maybe set aside a moment to reflect on who we’re memorializing.