Can I even be myself? Do I have permission? Do I have the ability? Is myself even someone I want to be? Do I even have a self to try to be .... would those who love me continue to love me if I became another person .. what if I think I'm being myself but I'm doing it wrong ....

The longer I live , the less I exist. I feel I'm constantly losing birs and pieces , like a machine rattling and shaking and breaking itself apart, struggling onward, slowing progress the further it goes , eventually rolling to a stop having lost everything that makes it function

Ignore this thread idk what I'm talking about , I'm safe and im fine. I just feel like a deep dark hole that those I interact with feel their energy into , and I steal it and burn it and never create or produce or return. I feel like I've forgotten my own personality.