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There was this trend where people would share their prime childhood stories and I just thought of one I could& #39;ve told...
I was beginning 5th grade when I attended our school& #39;s "science summer camp" thing. It was a way to introduce the students from our elementary school to the intermediate school that only supported 5th and 6th graders. You learned about the water cycle, layers of the earth, etc.
Now, understand this: I was a pretty sheltered child. Kind of raised by my parents to focus on school and not be boy-crazy. They were so adamant about how bad it was to date that I ended up becoming relationship-averted, despite whatever my parents intended.
I also felt a bit superior about it, bc people praised me for being "pure"??? Which?? Fucking gross, tbh.
(I am also a lesbian, but little Eir didn& #39;t know that really because she never heard of anything aside from "Man and Woman at church", so pls be gentle.)
(I am also a lesbian, but little Eir didn& #39;t know that really because she never heard of anything aside from "Man and Woman at church", so pls be gentle.)
So I go to this science camp and it& #39;s fun. I enjoy myself. One of the teachers is a very handsome man, straight out of a movie. I see that he& #39;s handsome, I do, but I really don& #39;t pay attention to that bc he& #39;s my teacher and we& #39;re making gummy worm soil.
I remember the girls in my class fawning over him, but you know me, always the outcast, soooo level-headed and logical, NOT thinking about him in that way because I was soooo mature...
...Please go easy on little eir. ANYWAY,
...Please go easy on little eir. ANYWAY,
We have a class about life cycles or plants or SOMETHING like that. Anyway, the point is that this teacher ends up saying something along the lines of how we& #39;re all gonna grow up, get married, and have children. I raise my hand and ask "What if we don& #39;t want to get married?"
He tells me something like, "Well, that& #39;s fine, but people change and you have a lot of time" which makes me want to prove my point even further.
My relatives ALWAYS told me how I was gonna marry a nice boy and have babies, and when they had kids, they always pushed me to hold them and expected me to be motherly toward them when I really wasn& #39;t wired that way.
People always told me that I& #39;d change my mind and would brush off what I was saying, so this teacher saying essentially the same thing,,,, while he totally didn& #39;t mean anything by it and it wasn& #39;t really wrong??? Like, yeahhhh. I thought I had to argue my point.
So, in the middle of this class with a bunch of other students sitting around me, I& #39;m fueled by my frustration of not being taken seriously, paired with my pride of being "not boy crazy and won& #39;t get married", to tell the teacher:
"I& #39;m not attractive to boys."
"I& #39;m not attractive to boys."
What I INTENDED to say was "I am not ATTRACTED to boys", but words failed me at that time and I thought my meaning passed. Anyway, the teacher looked at me, stunned, and then we continued about class normally after I made a fuss about not wanting a nuclear family, fkjdffh
Time skip forward--it& #39;s the end of the day. Kids are waiting to get picked up by their parents in front of the school. I see my mom pull up in her car, but before I run off, the handsome teacher pulls me aside to talk.
He kneels down and speaks softly to me, telling me that one day a boy is going to love me for who I am.
I realize at this point that I indeed misspoke and that this teacher thinks that I believe that I& #39;m ugly and that I& #39;ll be alone forever.
I realize at this point that I indeed misspoke and that this teacher thinks that I believe that I& #39;m ugly and that I& #39;ll be alone forever.
I just let him talk while reigning in the impulse to laugh or run or both, because he& #39;s trying to have a SINCERE heart-to-heart with me but I can& #39;t stop thinking about how I fucked up and it& #39;s both funny and EMBARRASSING.
I just nod along, then he lets me go. I get into the car hoping that Mom didn& #39;t see him talking to me. She did. She asked me why the teacher was talking to me. So I lied and told her we were discussing a project from class. She accepts that and drives home.
I don& #39;t think I have EVER told either of my parents this story, or my sister XD It was just so cringe, and you know, if I told my parents then or anytime afterward, they& #39;d tell me how I would change my mind in the future and I shouldn& #39;t have made a fuss about it, etc.
I have not changed my mind about kids, but I have about marriage...
I just figured out that I& #39;m gay.
I just figured out that I& #39;m gay.
