tfw you’re an adult queer and you realize that as much work as you’ve done on yourself, you still can’t shake the feeling that you’re defective/inhuman/not real in the same way everyone else is

Me: Holy fuck, this admin is going to let hundreds of thousands of our families, friends, and neighbors suffer and die horrible, lonely, preventable deaths and lie about it

Also me: I cannot BELIEVE I did (insert common mistake or accident), want to disappear, want to die

“Maybe you’ve had bad luck and formed deep and lasting connections with people who enjoyed breaking you down, which taught you how to think about your time, attention, and self as disposable commodities at best.”

“M-maybe you should shut your face about it, Thinky Thinkerton!”

Advocating to yourself to extend empathy inward is a WILD RIDE and I am UNCOMFORTABLE and TIRED

This thread brought to you by my therapist’s alarm at a succession of memories while discussing my aversion to being complimented

It’s somehow gratifying to hear your therapist say “someone really said that to you?” with the same sense of betrayal you forced yourself to forget

tldr brain bad, weed good