I think a major problem with how queer representation is looked at is that at some point people took "representation" to mean "role modelship" & people have been screaming about every piece of queer media that isn't something you'd be happy to have your kids emulate ever since.

Another issue is that the a great deal of the subject of queer representation has been centered around fictional rep itself rather than real life queer people who create that fiction -- people will go on and on about when Disney will have a queer lead character but

there is much less discussion about how many queer people are working at major media companies like Disney who are in a position to make those creative descisions.

There's even less discussion about queer indie creators who are often making the exact content people want

but their works are not being recommended or talked about nearly as much as Disney's lack of queer rep is complained about, much less being given even a fraction of the financial support people will give Disney who don't need it nearly as much (read: at all).

On top of this, when queer rep in fiction is discussed it's predominantly about children's and YA fiction. Queer media made for adults is often an afterthought, particularly when it comes to certain genres. This might also account for the false idea that rep = role models

because people expect all queer media to appeal to all queer people and that includes queer kids. If a piece of queer media is not child friendly, if it explores dark themes or has its queer characters making questionable or even illegal or unethical or immoral choices --

people flinch back from it hard. It is "problematic" and because people view queer media from a child's fiction lens they assume all viewers of queer media have a child's ability to tell fiction from reality and so any media that doesn't present easy black/white morality is bad.

Respectability politics also has a lot to do with the issue over queer rep because there are a lot of queer people who are desperate to look "normal", to be "normal" and to have queer characters do the same so that queer people in general don't look "like freaks" to cishet folks.

This leads to queer media being held to standards that non-queer media isn't. You can't just tell a queer story that interests you as a creator, you have to tell a perfect story about near perfect people who only have acceptable non-problematic flaws in the exact right way.

If you deviate from that narrative -- if you, god forbid, write queer media which is problematic -- you open yourself up to harassment from your own community who will tell you without second thought that your "queer card" has been rejected for failing to meet its standards.