Smlm pagi2 Raya mcm biasa la drama xsudah.

I helped Mama in the kitchen pagi tu. Xtau la dia stress ke apa, she tried to create a conflict in the kitchen but i avoided it.

Xnak la gaduh pagi2 Raya. So i left the scene and asked my sister to help her out instead.

Then i tried on my Baju Melayu Raya. Alamak.. since i dh lost couple of weight, baju tu tak terletak kt badan. Not how I envision it.

I matched it with a red samping but my sister said its a bit much. So i changed to the silver one as the pic i posted.

Decent la but x wow.

Then the time comes for the family to bermaaf-maafan.

I went 1st sbb i yg sulong.

So i kneel before my Mama, i uttered the word - Selamat Hari Raya Mama. After that I couldn’t say any word at all. I nangis teresak-esak.

I suddenly remembered all the sins that i have made.

That one time she found a bag of condom and asked me whose bag was it? I had to answer mine and she walked away without asking further.

The times when i want to go out and she was on the sofa and asked me where i want to go at 9 pm? I answered jumpe kwn. But actually berzina.

That one time i went out at 11 pm and she hold my hands and ckp - keluar jumpe kwn xpe. Tp jaga diri and jgn buat dosa.

I also remembered the countless times i selisih faham dgn dia. How she sad that i shouted at her becoz she kept blaming me for things that happened.

The countless times i think she was berat sebelah and always sided with my siblings.

And that one time i am not sure if i am able to forgive myself , the time when i looked at her face with such hate, i went to my room to get my things and left the house for couple of days.

As adults, me and my mom we argued a lot but we also love each other a lot. Things got complicated sometimes and i too hv my ego.

As I remembered all that, i tried to utter the words - maafkan salah dan dosa abang, dr hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki. Halalkan makan minum abg.

The first few words she said to me - Kau sihat ke?

Me : Sihat je.

She looked straight to my face and said :
Mama tau ada benda yg kau xbgtau mama. Tp mama nk kau tau, mama sayang sgt kau, mama sedih puasa aritu ko xsihat berhari2. Mama risau. Jaga kesihatan kau elok2.

Mama ampunkan segala dosa dan salah kau terhadap dan mama halalkan makan dan minum kau. Mama pun nk cakap terima kasih sbb jaga keluarga ni. Mama ni dh tua, xtau sampai bila umur mama. Mama harap kau jgn sesekali lupakan adik2 kau walau mcm manapun kau terasa ngn diaorg. Boleh?

I angguk tanda faham.

And as usual, i sorang je la yg nanges beria bila salam raya. I told u i mmg insan yg mmg penuh emosi.

Adik2 i sume salam gelak2 je. Siap kira2 hutang upah buat keje umah semua ngn Mama.

But when one of my adik salam me, i felt appreciated.

He salam me and ucap hari raya sume. Pastu dia ckp kt i : Terima kasih belikan rumah utk aku, adik2 lain ngn Mama duduk sekali. Semoga murah rezeki kau sbb jaga kitaorg.

I cried when i hear those words. Becoz at least there’s someone who appreciate my sacrifices n struggles.

I could’ve bought a cheaper house and get me my dream car. Instead I chose to buy a house that’s convenient to my family members.

Biar mahal sket janji i xnak adik2 i ddk rumah sewa ramai2 satu umah and most importantly sediakan tempat berlindung utk Mama i hidup ngn anak2 dia.

Semua org ada jalan hidup masing2. And this is the path that’s chosen for me i guess.

While everyone’s hoping me to get married as i am the eldest. As a bottom, i leave it to God.

Whatever blessings he give, I accept it with an open heart.

Selamat Hari Raya again everyone