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I'm not sure whether to trust people who flaunt around having some sort of mental health issue like a badge of honor anymore. I don't want to form an opinion based on bad experiences. And I'd definitely hate to dismiss a group of potentially amazing people for stupid reasons.
I'm probably just unlucky with the people that I've met in a row that have said they some sort of mental health issue and I'm probably making a fit for no reason whatsoever. Again, I don't want to generalize an entire group of people based on bad experiences. It's fucked up.
I honestly didn't think the people I hinted at were bad people at all, the relationships just ended up going south very quickly. And as much I'd like to keep on going with them and try to make things better, I feel as though I'm making things worse as I come up with a resolution.
I guess it's hard to"just let go" when all I do is reminisce. I do wish the relationships didn't all end up "toxic" since they weren't at first. But I do take most of the blame. I tried fixing something that wasn't ever there to begin with. I don't seek pity either. Not my intent
I did end up getting toxic myself at the end too. From name calling, to saying shit about them for the sake of saying shit about them. I didn't feel good about that either. And saying sorry for literally existing. I should've stopped when it was affecting me mentally but I didn't
I also ended up having negative thoughts of said people, like everything they did or said was because I somehow provoked them. Sure there could be a case for that, but the world clearly doesn't revolve around me and should not. I'm definitely selfish, it seems.
There is defintely a lot of context that was missed, but in short, I blame myself lol. I'm just a bad person who tries to make something out of nothing, and not in a good way either. "Random person = Friend" to me 99% of the time unless they're just fucked up to begin with.
The timing could not have been worse, it's Mental Health Awareness Month. I typed up the most grammatically incorrect high school essay that could be summarized to "Yeah I'm bad, but sometimes people are bad too. I shouldn't generalize." I'm just as messed up as them or way more.
I'm probably gonna take back what I said very soon, since it is a very shitty take formed from shitty, to extremely shitty experiences. However I won't delete this thread. I'd like to see my faults and make fun of myself in the future for the bad takes I had. Because why tf not?
