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I& #39;m not sure whether to trust people who flaunt around having some sort of mental health issue like a badge of honor anymore. I don& #39;t want to form an opinion based on bad experiences. And I& #39;d definitely hate to dismiss a group of potentially amazing people for stupid reasons.
I& #39;m probably just unlucky with the people that I& #39;ve met in a row that have said they some sort of mental health issue and I& #39;m probably making a fit for no reason whatsoever. Again, I don& #39;t want to generalize an entire group of people based on bad experiences. It& #39;s fucked up.
I honestly didn& #39;t think the people I hinted at were bad people at all, the relationships just ended up going south very quickly. And as much I& #39;d like to keep on going with them and try to make things better, I feel as though I& #39;m making things worse as I come up with a resolution.
I guess it& #39;s hard to"just let go" when all I do is reminisce. I do wish the relationships didn& #39;t all end up "toxic" since they weren& #39;t at first. But I do take most of the blame. I tried fixing something that wasn& #39;t ever there to begin with. I don& #39;t seek pity either. Not my intent
I did end up getting toxic myself at the end too. From name calling, to saying shit about them for the sake of saying shit about them. I didn& #39;t feel good about that either. And saying sorry for literally existing. I should& #39;ve stopped when it was affecting me mentally but I didn& #39;t
I also ended up having negative thoughts of said people, like everything they did or said was because I somehow provoked them. Sure there could be a case for that, but the world clearly doesn& #39;t revolve around me and should not. I& #39;m definitely selfish, it seems.
There is defintely a lot of context that was missed, but in short, I blame myself lol. I& #39;m just a bad person who tries to make something out of nothing, and not in a good way either. "Random person = Friend" to me 99% of the time unless they& #39;re just fucked up to begin with.
The timing could not have been worse, it& #39;s Mental Health Awareness Month. I typed up the most grammatically incorrect high school essay that could be summarized to "Yeah I& #39;m bad, but sometimes people are bad too. I shouldn& #39;t generalize." I& #39;m just as messed up as them or way more.
