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reminder that smiling and laughing in response to things that hurt or scare you is a completely normal reaction and doesn't mean that those things don't hurt or scare you.
there are different explanations as to why people react in this way.
one is that smiling and laughing is not automatically a display of happiness. that is social convention, not nature. for example, in little children who haven't learned that yet, smiling can mean shame or fear.
one is that smiling and laughing is not automatically a display of happiness. that is social convention, not nature. for example, in little children who haven't learned that yet, smiling can mean shame or fear.
another explanation is that especially in acute shock situations, the body & brain get flooded with a mix of several different hormones.
if a person's hormone mix includes lots of oxytocin (yeah, that's what they call the "love hormone") they will get all giddy & laugh.
if a person's hormone mix includes lots of oxytocin (yeah, that's what they call the "love hormone") they will get all giddy & laugh.
they might even remember the shock situation with a laugh, or associate it with a pleasant feeling. this does not cancel out any harm incurred in that situation.
(and if someone's hormone mix includes a lot of endorphins, they might get relaxed and impassive.)
(and if someone's hormone mix includes a lot of endorphins, they might get relaxed and impassive.)
another explanation is that it's the "fawn" trauma response (sometimes called "friend") response.
people who have internalised this protection strategy will reflexively laugh and smile to relieve tension and to placate whoever they're interacting with. it's an automatism.
people who have internalised this protection strategy will reflexively laugh and smile to relieve tension and to placate whoever they're interacting with. it's an automatism.
someone who "fawns" will be very friendly and laugh a lot in situations of stress or anxiety,
but also especially towards dangerous people, and especially when they are terrified or in immense physical or emotional pain.
but also especially towards dangerous people, and especially when they are terrified or in immense physical or emotional pain.
(there's also "flop" and "freeze" responses for either the relaxed passive type of response or the seizing terror type of response, and of course the well-known "fight" and "flight". you do not generally get to choose which one your body & brain pick. it's involuntary.)
so if you see someone talk about their pain while smiling, giggling and laughing, this does not mean that they're not hurting.
it means that they're either trying to cover their pain or, for most people traumatised through violence, that they're trying to protect themselves.
it means that they're either trying to cover their pain or, for most people traumatised through violence, that they're trying to protect themselves.
when someone opens up in a serious way and this is accompanied by smiling and laughing, this means they are in such a vulnerable state that the automated part of their brain activates protective measures.
don't dismiss that honesty just because you don't know how to read people.
don't dismiss that honesty just because you don't know how to read people.
