We're reeling from our losses today. Mourners aren't able to find comfort in rites & rituals; we can't hold them in their grief. For many, sympathy notes will be the only memorial they get or can participate in. Those notes can be hard to write; here's a thread w some guidance
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(This is a slightly edited version of a thread I wrote when @chrislhayes reported on @allinwithchris that there was a shortage of sympathy cards, but it's very clearly & painfully relevant regardless, whether the death is from Covid or anything else.)
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Start with a blank card or piece of stationary that's subdued: Quiet colors, pictures of trees or mountains, symbols that make sense within the faith community of the person to whom you're sending the note - but remember that it can absolutely be a plain piece of paper.
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Handwritten is lovely, but feel free to type it and print it out if handwriting isn't possible for you, or if that's just not how your brain writes. The point is what you say and that you said it, not your handwriting. (I'll give you a sample at the end.)
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Open by acknowledging the loss - for instance:

"I was so sorry to learn of your loss"
"My heart aches over the passing of [person]"
"[Person] just told me about [person] & I was so sorry to hear the news"
It's ok to use the words "death" or "died" if you're comfortable w them
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Then say something about the person who died. Did you know the person who died? Recall something you loved about them, or that made you laugh, or a way they helped you - even if it's small ("He was always there when I needed help with the filing system") as long as it's true
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If the person who died was difficult or had a painful relationship w the person in mourning, resist the urge to try to rewrite history. You can instead write something like "These losses can be so shocking" or "I can't imagine trying to grapple w [person]'s death at this time"
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If you didn't know the person who died or anything about their relationship w the person to whom you're writing, resist the urge to write some greeting-card message that might make no sense. Again, try something like "What a difficult time to be dealing w the enormity of this"
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Typically, I then say something like "I hope you're held in loving arms" or "surrounded by loving support" - but honestly, no one is right now. No one's being held, no one's surrounded by people who love them. More often than not, they weren't even able to go to a funeral.
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I've had to write a couple of non-Covid related sympathy notes lately, but Covid or not, the times are the same, so I've written things like "I wish you could be among your loved ones right now, and hope more than I can tell you that you'll be able to soon."
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And then come back to offering your condolences. It's ok that you're repeating yourself - that's what you're there to say. "Again, I'm so sorry for your loss" or "I'm so sorry that we won't be able to hear [person's] laugh again" or just "my heartfelt sympathies."
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Then you sign with "love", or "condolences," or "my best," or "with sympathy" - whatever makes sense for your relationship with that person.

This can be just 3-4 sentences long (I'll give you a sample at the end), or if you have more memories to share, however long you want.
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The most important thing is your sincerity (don't say you loved Uncle Biff if you didn't) & that you not try to rewrite the other person's history (don't say "you must miss Uncle Biff terribly" when you know that your cousin and Uncle Biff could barely speak to each other.)
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Here's an example of a brief sympathy note:

Dear Jane,
I was so sorry to hear of Uncle Biff's death. I've never forgotten the time he bought me that Coke that I promptly dropped - & then he immediately bought me another! I can't imagine having to handle all of this now.
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I really hope that you're able to talk to everyone in the family, and feel their love even if you can't be in the same room.

Please know that I'm thinking of you.

All my sympathies,
John

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You can do this in an email or on FB, etc, but I would encourage you to engage in the ritual of pulling out paper & finding a stamp. This is our new reception line, our new finding-the-right-thing-to-wear-to-the-service. It will comfort the recipient, & it will help you.
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We are, each & every one of us, grappling with a kind of grief for which we have no name, even if we don't know anyone personally who has been lost to Covid-19. The endless numbers of dead, the fear for our own lives & the lives of those we love - how do we process any of it?
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I would submit that the act of offering our comfort to those we care for & giving it the shape and frame of a ritual, making it something permanent that the recipient may well gather in a box & look back on some day - that helps us carry our own grief. That's what rituals do.
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But of course, even if it's in an email or on FB - what matters is that you've offered your care to someone who really, really needs it. That's the single most important part of any of this. So if a physical note is too much, or not right for you, do what makes sense for you.
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It's hard, but it can be simple, and I would really encourage you to do it despite how hard it can be. People are burying loved ones without benefit of the rituals that normally help bind us to one another even as they help bind our wounds.
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Sympathy notes may be the only memorial service that people in mourning will ever get.

You can do it. I promise.

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