Okay, here's the fucking thing. In S1E5 of Avatar: The Last Airbender, “The King of Omashu”, the cabbage merchant is introduced. A classic character we all love, right? Wrong. He is first seen attempting to bring rotten cabbages into the city of Omashu. These cabbages are[thread]
destroyed by the vigilant city guard, causing the man to cry out for his cabbages for the first time. Why is he so worried about these rotten cabbages? Suspicious. But there's more. Later when Aang, Sokka and Katara are riding in the mail delivery system, they land on a kiosk...
belonging to the cabbage man! He again cries out for his destroyed cabbages, and we laugh like fools. That’s what he wants. He already had cabbages in Omashu! Why did he need to bring rotten ones in, and why was losing them so crushing to him? Right before the end credits roll...
Aang and King Bumi crush his leafy greens AGAIN and he cries once more. He has two separate kiosks in Omashu fully stocked with cabbages, surely he would need to bring them into the city with a larger scale operation than a single cart, and furthermore, if he's bringing that...
many in, the guards would surely not be letting them in without a thorough inspection for quality. So the cart of rotten cabbages WAS useless to him! Why would he be bringing a small amount of bad Brassica oleracea into the front gates? The next time we see him is in S1E9...
“The Waterbending Scroll”, This episode takes place in an Earth Kingdom port town. As you can see on the attached map, this town is pretty far north of Omashu, with two mountain ranges and a bay blocking any hope of a direct path. Even if we accept that this man traveling with...
a hand-drawn cart would be able to arrive at this town before team avatar gets there on Appa, (to be fair, they are a little sidetracked with a venture into the fire nation in between) unrefrigerated cabbage only lasts 1-2 days, and we know that he doesn’t actually deal in...
rotten cabbages. How did he get a supply of cabbages here? Cabbage is an annual vegetable, so there’s no way he could have just planted a new cabbage patch up there. When his precious produce is pulped this time, he remarks “This place is worse than Omashu!” Implying that he...
didn’t have multiple cabbage farms to attend to before, he uprooted his entire local operation to this random port town far from Omashu. He had to buy a cabbage farm, or at least cabbages from a farm closer to this city, but presumably, a large amount of his stock was destroyed..
in Omashu, probably costing him tons. How does a humble cabbage merchant have the means to uproot himself and replenish his stock like this? After he cries out this time, he just walks away, even though the majority of his crunchy water spheres appear to be entirely intact. Why..
doesn’t he try to save these cabbages if he cares about them so much? The next time we see him is S2E12, “The Serpent’s Pass”. Here, he’s trying to bring his cabbages into Ba Sing Se on a refugee boat. He’s rejected because a single cabbage slug could ruin all of the city’s...
produce, and his cabbage is then destroyed, and a cabbage slug is found. Why is it that every time he is seen trying to bring cabbage into a major city, it’s bad? We know this man has unrealistic access to good cabbage. Also, why is he trying to bring his cabbages on a refugee...
boat? Seems inconsiderate. We next see him in S2E15, “The Tales of Ba Sing Se”, where he’s somehow managed to get his cabbages into Ba Sing Se. We know he couldn’t take them onto the refugee boat, and there’s no way he could get them through the Serpent’s Pass. Did he have some..
sort of blackmail for the security that stopped him earlier? Or did he acquire these cabbages inside the city the same way he did in the port town? When his cabbages are destroyed this time, he begins to yell again, then says, “Oh, forget it!” before he can finish wailing for...
his big green balls, then he walks away, showing this was all an act!! He doesn't actually care about his cabbages at all! You might say he was just tired of his cabbages being constantly destroyed, but why do we not see his passion wane over time? Or his frustration build?...
The "cabbage merchant" is no more than a static, one dimensional character played by someone else. But who is this someone else? His last mention is in S3E17, “The Ember Island Players”, where the acclaimed playwright Pu-on Tim cites him as a “surprisingly knowledgeable” source..
on team avatar. What makes him stand out among the other seemingly mundane sources? He is a fire nation spy. Think about it. He brings bad cabbages to the front gates of free major earth kingdom cities despite having access to good cabbage within the cities (likely supplied by...
other fire nation assets) as a test of their security. In Ba Sing Se, he could also be attempting to sabotage the city’s produce with the cabbage slug. He screams about his cabbages when they’re destroyed because he’s overacting his cover character, which explains why he...
leaves his unscathed cabbages behind in the port town, and why he completely gives up in Ba Sing Se, he does not care about his cabbages. Not even a little. He crosses paths with team avatar incredibly often. Why? Why does he go to the same little port town as them in S1E9?...
He’s tracking them and observing them. This is why he’s able to be a uniquely knowledgeable informant for Pu-on Tim’s play. The play is obviously fire nation state propaganda, so clearly this valuable information would be passed through the higher-ups in the fire nation...
military first, likely including Azula and Firelord Ozai. Open your eyes, you koala sheep. This man is not an innocent man plagued by mishaps with his adored cabbages. He doesn’t care for his cabbages any more than he cares for the integrity of the earth kingdom...
If you still believe his business is nothing more than peddling the capitatas known as cabbages, then I only have one thing to tell you.

There is no war in Ba Sing Se.
I'm fuckin pissed this thread got posted backwards. I'm going to cry.
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