Transparent :
My dad called from prison today and I got to tel him I was accepted into school. No big fan fare, but “that’s good news” After the years of abuse and hatred for me this will never move others but for me is more than I could ever have imagined in life

He also inquired if I was safe from corona and again...to the outsider this isn’t a Full House episode...but for me...this is more than I could hope for. He told me some jokes and then said “well I love you guys”

Also....sorry this thread is all out of order. Emotional tweeting will do that. y’all will figure it out

I will never see my father free on this side of eternity. There is a mourning and grief that I carry in my body with that. Also the years of abuse and hatred that he inflicted on me and others. Somehow though I love him and I know he’s trying his best. I am grateful

I hold space for the man my father never could be and the man I wanted him to be. Somehow in the small ritual of eating tacos there is a spiritual act of making peace. Tonight I will make some

It took me until last year to hear my dad say that but I am reflecting now at my big age what it feels like to tell my father I am proud of an accomplishment. He didn’t say he was proud of me only that it was good news. He does love me though and wow that’s a lot

A special practice I do regularly is I cook tacos. It reminds me of my father. It’s the one meal he loved and it’s something that you could cook for 7 children. It connects me powerfully with the memory of him even though 99 % of my memories are bad.