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So here& #39;s a mental project I& #39;ve been working on recently.
Those of you who know me might be baffled to learn I didn& #39;t realize I had ENORMOUS amounts of anxiety until...basically this month. I& #39;m 29.
I never pieced it together, because I always thought it was something else..
Those of you who know me might be baffled to learn I didn& #39;t realize I had ENORMOUS amounts of anxiety until...basically this month. I& #39;m 29.
I never pieced it together, because I always thought it was something else..
Be it living with my parents still (until last year, embarassing), or being in a toxic romantic situation (nearly nonstop for the last decade, up until 3 years ago), or depression, or ADHD, I always figured the anxiety I felt was a result of one of those things, or a combination.
Now that all of those things are either no longer a reality of my life, or I& #39;ve figured out how to manage them (or at the least, identify their impact), I& #39;m suddenly left with a pile of anxiety on its own, festering, un-dealt with for so long.
I& #39;ve been trying lately to find myself - to identify who I am, what I like, what I want to do - and I& #39;ve been digging in my brain. But I& #39;ve been frustrated, because everything I& #39;m finding is pain and confusion. It& #39;s runoff from my anxiety.
It& #39;s felt like trying to excavate what I thought was going to be a temple of myself, only to find it& #39;s just a fucking septic tank. Piles of shit. It& #39;s been driving me insane.
But guess what?
But guess what?
Something clicked that it was abnormal. I found thoughts so egregiously guilt-ridden - FOR NO REASON - that it finally dawned on me that that wasn& #39;t me. I haven& #39;t been uncovering pieces of myself. It& #39;s just been anxiety I somehow never knew was there.
