to me, this chapter, and the meteor speech is fundamentally about coming to terms with your lack of agency in the world and accepting what you can and cannot control.

Early in his life he tries to create a semblance of order, routine, and fulfilled expectations by doing and finishing everything properly. by trying to exert his control on an indifferent, fundamentally uncontrollable universe, he wages a war that was always lost.

Sakusa asks Ushijima why he is strong, but when he replies that he practices, “not that.” Ushijima replies that he is lucky. Sakusa is searching for some larger meaning, trying to make sense of the world, and Ushijima simply asserts that it just is.

he seems to accept this answer as he continues to use the luck motif throughout the chapter. he recognizes that in the world, there are very few things you can control. you are simply given a series of circumstances that you must do your best with.

the only thing you can do is try to be cautious, defend yourself and the things that matter to you against the world as much as possible.

Present Sakusa seems to ‘know’ this innately in a way he didn’t fully before.

At any given point his efforts could amount to nothing. all the preventative measures he takes could mean nothing. all the blood, sweat, and energy put into volleyball could suddenly mean nothing. what really matters to him is the ability to be okay with this fact.

He will keep being cautious & doing things properly. not because it will bring satisfying conclusion, but because the act of doing it brings him satisfaction. coming to terms with this is not an easy process. but. "crushing truths perish from being acknowledged."

he doesn’t not say he is okay with the fact that things come to an end, but that he WANTS to be. it is something he seems reminds himself of everyday, thinking about the fact that he is lucky to have survived, lucky to still be playing volleyball.

these things could have been taken away. ultimately he wants to be okay with the fact that everything can suddenly come to an end, without a grand conclusion, without a reason or mistake to attribute it to. a meteor may just hit you one day. there’s nothing more to it. and yet-

despite that, we continue onward. because even if everything is inherently temporary, and could amount to nothing, it is still worth it. because “the struggle itself toward heights is enough to fill a man’s heart.”