They be like: “HerAllureLDN, what you got there?”

Let us tell you about it, sweetheart. This that splaaa https://twitter.com/herallureldn/status/1260664133726482437

Disclaimer: Incase it isn’t already obvious, this review isn’t for promotional purposes. We bought this product with our own money, out of complete and utter horniness. So without further a do, let’s get started

First and foremost, this isn’t a wand for fairies or the weak-hearted. This is a Nubian King wand. We’ll call him “Jerome” because that sounds like the name of a man with a BBB (Big Black Buddy)

We’d heard good things about wands so were really eager to get to know him but when Jerome was delivered, we were not being home alone, so we had to wait

*Waits impatiently for the house to be empty*

Finally a short window of opportunity emerged for Jerome to show us a good time. As soon as we heard that door close, the countdown was on! There was really no rest for the horny

We opened our incognito tab with absolute swiftness, loaded our porn of preference and turned that bad boy right up for that enhanced cinematic experience

When we say it’s a good thing we waited for an empty house it’s no joke. Ladies, we threw that bitch on the highest setting!!! So high it began to resemble the sound of a washing machine on a dangerous spin cycle

If you’re like us who climaxes more easily from clitoral stimulation than penetration, this is the toy for you! Jerome puts the vibe in vib(e)ration — that was shamelessly corny but what can we say?

Once Jerome really went to work it was all over. He started practicing his alphabet and we damn near lost it. Os on the clit, Is on the clit. Then he stepped into his morse code • — •• - • — bag and that’s when this feeling emerged...

What do you think happened next?

Alexa, play Chris Brown - Wet The Bed

We regret not putting some sort of waterproofing material because...

It all happened so quickly. One minute we’re laying in bed shaking like a tambourine, the next minute we’re in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Who really would have thought we’d be travelling so far during lockdown?

We were still home alone at this point (thank fuck) and so took the opportunity to clean ourself up. We walked to the bathroom real Bambi-like and even that had us feeling some type of way

We made it back and had to strip the sheets but you know what? It was worth it. We like Jerome, and will defo be inviting him back

#ShamelessFact We’ve already been on a 4-day streak with him

All-in-all, we give it an 8/10

• nice but simplistic design
• boasts 8 speeds and 20 patterns
• waterproof
• easy to clean
• long battery life/charges quickly
• compact for when you want to sneak it out to your partner’s house for a little fun

We’ve deducted a because it can be a bit loud and there’s only one button to cycle through the speeds. For example, if you’re using the 4th speed but want to switch to the 2nd, you’d need to go up to 8th and then cycle back through 7th, 6th, 5th etc before you get there

We didn’t deem this as much of an issue as we usually start off in lower speeds and work our way up, but everybody’s different

GIVEAWAY

If you like the sound of Jerome and would like to be in with a chance of winning your own, we’re giving one away once we reach 100 followers!

To enter: RT the first tweet of this thread, follow us and we’ll pick a winner at random ( Only)!

RT RT RT

Alternatively, you can purchase Jerome here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07DNYW67D/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_2dQYEb8N9Y2XH