The issue with ‘so long as you don’t romanticise it’ is that it carries the assumption that a writer can create a story where every reader will get the ‘right’ message from a work.

Which is utterly impossible.

To give a topical example, at no point did the Matrix have pro right wing messaging—this didn’t stop the far right from doing their bullshit.

Or an abusive mother interpreting Coraline as a story about ‘an ungrateful daughter’*

* https://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/159843218331/what-was-the-point-of-the-story-coraline-because

Y’know the DVD version of Coraline. Where the other mother is a literal terrifying monster who takes children’s eyes away.

What I’m saying is demanding authors don’t ‘romanticise’ things or ‘people will get the wrong message’ assumes that if people read good things they will *be* good.

Ha ha ha. No.

An abuser will read the biggest neon sign ‘abuse is bad’ story and still abuse. Bc they see themselves as the *victim*. Or as the hero who saves the victim.

An abuser will read a healthy pure fluff fic and see themselves as a loving partner.

I cannot stop people abusing by ‘not romanticising’ whatever dark topic I am writing.

Because the harmful abusive behaviour came *before* the fiction. If someone wants to hurt others they will be encouraged by whatever they interpret as supporting them.

Also those large neon ‘abuse is bad’ signs will not always work to make people realise they are being abused.

I do think tagging ‘abuse’ or ‘noncon’ as such can help people recognise harmful things going on in their real lives.

But writers can’t replace missing relationship ed or sex ed.

No amount of ‘this is abuse’ or ‘not romanticised’ helps when someone needs specific ed that rlly isn’t strangers/fic writers job to give.

Neither me nor my work can be someone’s trauma therapist.