“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”

I resonate with this a lot

I am sad. Almost all of the time. No matter how I may seem to be acting or the face I am putting on.

Making other people happy gives me a sense of happiness. Seeing other people smile / laugh makes me smile and laugh. It makes me feel worth something

Lately I have been streaming 12+ hours a day to distract myself from any anxiety, depression, or problems in my life

Don’t get me wrong I love my streams and they’ve been making me feel good

But when I turn the stream off, life is just empty

When I am not streaming and/or competing I am just lost.

I’ve gone through some hard stuff lately and dealing with all of that on top of normal anxiety and depression issues has just been nearly unbearable

I know one day I’ll be able to look back and say I made it through.

I have some great people in my life and I know this in my mind

But waking up every single day with this overwhelming feeling and sense of loneliness is insanity. It’s a constant darkness and I have no light source.

Thank you to those of you who reach out and send me heartwarming messages reminding me that I have people who genuinely care

Thank you to those of you who support me every single day

Thank you. Just, thank you.