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VENT THREAD Isn’t it ironic how I stan a kpop group who constantly tells us to love ourselves and when I finally started to my ED kicked in head start and so strongly this time that I never feel like I’ll ever amount to the thing that I want the one fucking goddamn thing that
that all of us wanna accomplish which is to love ourselves to just be fucking happy and ok with ourselves and not worry if that one fucking chip is gonna ruin our progress sometimes I wanna tell people or just fucking scream it in they’re face
“IM HURTING I NEED HELP I STAY HAPPY FOR YOU NOT FOR MYSELF JUST GET ME SOME FUCKING HELP PLEASE I JUST WANT HELP AND TO FEEL LOVED” but I can’t because they would just tell me to “go to Church” or “god will help you” and My favorite
“It’s all in your head you don’t need to go to therapy or see a psychiatrist or get medication or even mental help you’re fine it’s all of those tv shows and music you listen to that’s what’s making you feel this way they’ll just make you feel more crazy ur F I N E”
Really? I’m fine how can I be fine when all I wanna do is die I can’t be fine because u fucking said so ok and I’m never EVER going to be fine if I don’t get the actual fucking professional help my s3lf h4rming wasn’t just a “phase” it was a fucking cry for help
A cry for help that no one even fucking bothered to take into consideration that a fucking 12 yr old shouldn’t be dealing with something that should’ve been helped professionally by doctors not by going to church and praying because I’m still stuck in this hell you call my brain
I shouldn’t gotten help not yelled at and have everything blamed on everyone else except the people who caused my pain the ones who manifested my ED depression self hatred low self esteem s3lf h4arm and body Dysmorphia to manifest into something that I can’t control
It’s something I can’t control it’s like I constantly have 3 people fighting in my head my common sense is telling me “WHT ARE YOY DOING YOUR SLOWLY DYING” my ED is telling me “no don’t listen you have to resist u have to be skinny small and fragile that you might break”
But my depression is telling me “just die already your doing all of this just to please others and yourself when you’ll fix the problem if you weren’t here because YOU are the problem just k!ll yourself and everyone’s life would be better off without you bringing them down all
All the time just do it and the worlds biggest problem is gone” how does my family know what it’s like in my head they don’t understand all of these thoughts rushing thru my head at once and all of the things I have thought from the age of 12 maybe younger
That a child shouldn’t be thinking a child should be playing with friends not taking a Pisces of glass to they’re wrist not wondering “if died right now would they care if I k!lled myself” a child should be on a playground with friends being kids not wanting to die
a child should’ve been worried about if they where going to play with they’re friends or what fun new place they where going to that day not wondering how many carbs calories and fat is in they’re food a child should be a child but I didn’t get that instead what I got
Was depression an eating disorder body Dysmorphia self hatred low self esteem and body shamed by the people that are supposed to love me but hurt me and they’ll never realize it until it’s too late and that’s what brought me to this mind of declining mental health
That they’ll ignore until it’s too late to save me but I guess I’ll have to wait for that moment.... END OF THREAD
