Let's talk about 'don't kink shame' to explore it from a critical perspective in order to highlight why it's important to always stay on your guard when approaching the topic of kinkfans. This will be a long story, about a man (sexual abuser) and a woman (psychological abuser).

One of the men who sexually abused me, after abusing me, got into 'kink community'. Think BDSM, sub/dom. I found out because a woman warned me he sent her rape fantasies and porn videos of his (sub) girlfriend.

This man found out through abusing me that he won't get away with torturing and raping women. What did he do? He got into 'legal sexual abuse' through BDSM etc. Many people within kink communities aren't abusers, but there are predators and we NEED to keep talking about that.

Found out the man is approaching trans women now, he's claimed to people they're a 'kink' to him. Knowing the man is an actual abuser who got into BDSM to be able to 'legally abuse' and is now approaching women who are more at risk to become victims of abuse, is terrifying.

I find it incredibly difficult knowing all this information given my own history with this man.

It turns out after the break-up, he spread lies about me in my area and beyond, which took a few years before people started realising he did that & contacted me about it.

I found out in 2019 through multiple people he had spread those lies. Before that time I was completely oblivious to it. It's because he made other victims people started to see through those lies, and warned me about it and how he had been smearing my name for years.

Turns out he told a bunch of people I had cheated on him and was 'crazy' and 'tried to get him back'. This is a very known tactic abusers use on their victim to discredit them in case they ever speak out. It's also a way to try to sabotage a victim's future relationship(s).

In this case, the fact that the guy is such a narcissist, actually came in 'useful'. You see, I still have conversations from years ago about the abuse between him and myself, plus his harassment after break-up, prior to him claiming I was 'crazy' and 'tried to get him back'.

The man honestly believes nobody can touch him and was so convinced he scared me enough I would never testify against him. So he spread those lies, which eventually came to light because multiple of his ex-friends testified against him to me, on video and audio.

I tried to warn the man's partner about how he had kept sexually harassing me while in a relationship with her (SHOWED HER MESSAGES), only to find out a year later she apparently filed a FALSE criminal complaint against me stating I had been harassing him and her instead (?!).

A woman I warned about her partner sexually harassing me (FOR 3 YEARS) subsequently filed a false criminal complaint I harassed her/partner since 'the beginning' of their relationship. Hilarious since I messaged her 2x in 3 years, first time when she was with him for 1,5 years.

When I sent her the second message, she actually called me for + an hour and consensually participated in the conversation. Told her I was planning to file a criminal complaint against her man. Next thing she does is file a FALSE criminal complaint about me.

Turns out this woman (part of the BDSM scene) is as narcissistic as the guy because she believed she could fool the police with her false criminal complaint while I have all the evidence of her lies lol. As we speak I'm in touch with the police about it.

I honestly hope the police considered me guilty of harassment until I proved to them I'm innocent and this was a set-up. Must be strange to hear this huh? It's because I KNOW the majority of women who file such complaints are actual victims, because I'm one of them.

Back to 2019 - It all escalated so much that the man's former best friend now has testified to the police that he exchanged CHILD PORNOGRAPHY with him. I knew the guy was sick, but hearing all that, I can't describe easily what it did to me. I'll try.

I have CPTSD due to years of partner abuse (I'm almost 2 years abuser free now after subsequently experiencing 3 abusers). My nightmares since the reveal his former best mate testified about the CP, now include being locked up in a dungeon with CP too, trying to escape.

I've been thinking about how and why I have nightmares about this now. Came to the conclusion it's probably because I feel guilty for never having reported him for what he did to me. I had good reasons I'm not clarifying here, and trust me, I know I shouldn't feel guilty.

But this moral question keeps bugging me:

What if I had reported him years ago for what he had done to me? Would the abuse have stopped with me? Could I have protected others?

I know this is a question that haunts many victims who never dared to report.

It's unfair that our brains can be occupied with such questions it even translates in our nightmares. If you're one of those victims dealing with that 'guilt', I want to remind you that in a way it's good you have it: it shows you actually have empathy, unlike your abuser.

Such 'guilt' is a reminder they have not destroyed you completely. They have not corrupted you to the point where you simply do not care about anything anymore. I know it's incredibly painful, but use that guilt to heal and realise that it shows you're still a human being.

The majority of victims would speak out if they know it would protect them and others more. The reality is that speaking out doesn't always protects you and others, UNTIL there are more victims or the evidence is so cut-clear nobody can question it.

Fast forward, back to 2020: The man made more victims, nobody wants to report, but people have testified to me because they've seen in the media how I've been handling rape cases. I've gone through 2 rape cases now: 1 is in court and the other turned into an arrest on May 1.

The evidence against this man (and now his partner) is piling up, and I've been spending months getting my own evidence in line to finally do what I wasn't mentally able to do years ago.

I hope soon I can 'close' my 10 year period of experiencing abusers by filing the 'final' criminal complaint, against my first one. It took two other rape cases before finally getting to the point of mentally being able to testify against my first rapist.

I hope 2020 will be the year that I finally escape the cycle of abuse completely, by doing that final report against my first abuser, as well as his partner for what she did to me.

So yes, let me state this very clear:

I am a victim of a false criminal complaint.

I still believe I should be considered guilty until proven innocent because I know the majority of criminal complaints like this are true.

I have the evidence I'm innocent & got nothing to hide.

So next time someone says 'innocent until proven guilty', feel free to link to this thread.

If I can be brave and say about a false criminal complaint made by a woman about me:

'see me as guilty before I'll prove I'm innocent, for the sake of other victims',

surely men can do the same too.

If you're innocent you see, in most cases you probably have the evidence.