. @EASPORTSFIFA

You’ve had more patches than a lazy eye and your game, FIFA 20, is still completely f*cked. Pro Clubs hasn’t worked since day 1.

Because I’ve got nothing better to do, here’s a thread of the shit you need to sort out - Clubs especially.

CPU Goalkeepers: This one has been happening for years but why, WHY, why do the goalkeepers hold onto the ball for half an hour and then either kick it to the opposition or out for a throw? Nice one.

Kit Select: Some games we have to play in the same colour kit because the kit selection at the beginning only works for the captain. Meaning we spend 90 minutes passing it to any one of 22 players on the pitch because even the keepers fancy the same colour sometimes. Cheers.

Ref Kit: Not only the other team, 95% of the time the referee sticks the same colour f*cking kit on. We could turn out in a pink, blue, orange and green striped jumpsuit and the ref will find one to match. Seriously pointless. Thanks.

Overpowered CPU defenders: We could be in Division 10, through on goal with nobody around for miles and CPU Maldini will get his rocket boots on and throw you into the crowd before twatting it out for a throw. Division 10. Give us a break.

CPU defenders: They can tackle and saunter back at what seems to be 100mph but as soon as they get the ball they PANIC. And I mean panic. Anything could happen. They could chip it up and volley it into row Z or turn around and have a dig against their own keeper. Sort it out.

Free-Kick Spray: I’m not sure if this happens in other game modes but if you change kick taker the referee will pick up his spray and instead of making a line for the wall, he’ll make a 82 metre diagonal line across the entire pitch for the whole team, manager and crowd. Why?

Celebrations: If you manage to get past Maldini and Co. you can’t even celebrate your goals properly. How have you taken something as pointless as celebrations and made it 100% worse when bringing out a new game?

We can’t even grab the ball if we’re losing. We could be 8-0 down and I’ll be doing backflips at 8-1. Not a big deal but proof that you make things worse just for the sake of it. You cruel bastards.

Near post glitch: I’m guessing this is for every game mode but if you thundercunt the ball at the near post it goes in. Almost every single time. If you finesse and try to finish it properly, Maldini gets back to block or Gordon Banks just catches it. Thank you so much.

No match could be found: The absolute fuckery doesn’t just happen in-game. It pisses me off before we even kick-off. It can take 15/20 minutes to find a game and when it does eventually find one, I honestly regret that it ever did. Bad game. Proper bad.

I’ve got a list bigger than your Ultimate Team profits on how you could make Clubs better. If you’re going to make people buy a new game every year stop changing pointless shit and improve game modes that people play but don’t have to give you £200 to build a team. Thanks, EA.