i always feel so dramatic when something bad happens in kpop because i know that the world doesn’t revolve around it but i can’t help it... it’s a hobby that shouldn’t be more important then work and school etc but when something bad happens it just effects all that

trigger warning/ oct 13th

after jinri’s passing i cried the whole evening and even forgot to feed my cats and i’d feel so guilty because of that so i try to tone my feelings and attachment down a bit and avoided a lot of f(x)/ jinri stuff but after seeing ius new mv i broke+

down. especially because around that time my grandma passed away too, a friend of my nephew committed suicide ( i didn’t know him personally but still it affected me because i’m close with my nephew) and my neighbor passed away after my mom had

an alert for reanimating she went there directly but she couldn’t do anything we knew this person so that made it extra hard... his kids go to the primary school where my mom teaches and i went there back when they were there too already

anyways sorry for all the sadness on the timeline this early in the morning but i had to get it off my chest for a bit. in times like these kpop is a hobby i can find distraction but at that time kpop was very sad too. on top of all of this my dad got fired officially

after years at home already because of back pain with an unknown cause and i had to go to therapy every monday in Zwolle which is an hour from where i live and i hated that therapy

they taught abt autism and i did learn new things so it was helpful but it cost me so much energy everytime and they tried to make you accept your differences so badly that i felt so disconnected to other people like i knew i am different but

it wasn’t such a big deal until i noticed that it was and that people made fun of me and took advantage of me because of that after bullying and other group chat drama. i am so bad at guessing people’s intentions now that i just don’t trust anyone easily i always think

people talk about me or they’re making fun of me and all that because of bullying and other little things like being yelled at at the street when i was little or missing the joke and taking stuff literally. I also hate how much energy i seem to suck up from people around me

so i try to be less annoying by not bothering people with my facts rambling or the things that happened on a day/ news i’ve seen or my opinions on things because people don’t care. also i feel really guilty when i accidentally get to caught up in my own stories so the other perso

n doesn’t get a chance to talk in a conversation. anyways end of thread x