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I am literally crying right now.
Being child free would’ve honestly made me feel a lot better about myself and my life. Normally it’s the woman who traps the man with a baby, but I always felt like he trapped me.
Being child free would’ve honestly made me feel a lot better about myself and my life. Normally it’s the woman who traps the man with a baby, but I always felt like he trapped me.
Primarily b/c when I told him I was pregnant, the first thing out of his mouth was ‘we gone have to get married.’ He knew I loved somebody else & he was just a seat filler. The “feelings” that I had were immediately gone when I saw those two pink lines on that pregnancy test.
And then like she said in her thread, in black communities it is not pushed on women to think about their career, their lives or their dreams and goals because ‘pregnancy is the gift of life’ & ‘such a blessing’.
But what they don’t tell you is that you lose your identity as a person (somewhat) when you become a parent b/c anytime people see you, they immediately think & ask about your baby. That’s happened to me so many times that I wanted to scream.
I can’t go anywhere alone without somebody asking me where my child is before asking how I am or even getting out “Hey Jasmine”. It is really, really fucking annoying.
That’s just the surface of my issue with parenthood being forced on black women, no matter their age, in black communities.
No one ever asks the girl how is she feeling or if she’s ready for it mentally, physically, or emotionally. Or if she even wants to go through with it.
No one ever asks the girl how is she feeling or if she’s ready for it mentally, physically, or emotionally. Or if she even wants to go through with it.
People jump straight into baby shower mode when they find out someone is pregnant. I wish someone had asked me if I was excited, or ready, or if I even wanted to go through with it. Because in all honesty, my first thought was to get an abortion immediately.
I even hoped that telling my mother would result in her telling me she was disappointed in me and further reassure my initial thought of getting an abortion. However that was not the case b/c she was excited & her excitement confused me because I wasn’t expecting that response.
Which led to a small feeling of regret because I chose not disappointing my mother over what I thought was best for my life. To this day I feel like that was a mistake.
I love my daughter. I just wish, in that moment at the tender age of 21, that I would’ve thought clearly about how that decision would change my life over being seen as a disappointment to my mother for robbing her the joy of having an eighth grandchild.
What I want people to take away from this thread is that what you do with your uterus is up to you ONLY. People can give advice, but the final decision is yours. Do not let someone rob you of that choice. Family member, father of unborn child, or otherwise.
It’s your life. You only get one of them. Do with it what will make you happy. People are gonna talk about you no matter what you do. True happiness comes from within you not from what other people have to say about what you chose to do with your life.
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