felt the need to reassert this and my friends are giving me the confidence to talk more about it- i am genderfluid.

this means that sometimes i am male, sometimes female, sometimes something else entirely

and i think i’ve known this since high school. i’ve always fixated on male characters and wanted to look like them without really understanding why, or thinking it was because i had a crush on them

when my friends or partners would tell me i reminded them of a male character, it always made me feel really good. in those moments, i think i genuinely was a guy, even when using she/her, even when i was nervous to outright say so

i really admired my trans friends who could assert their pronouns, their names, and i didn’t feel like i was as brave as them.

i only recently started using they/them, but i wish i had started sooner. i just graduated and i knew i would have had supportive professors/friends. but for some reason i didn’t want to inconvenience anyone

sometimes i worry about dying and if the family members i came out to will argue about what pronouns to use with the ones i didn’t come out to. i don’t want them to have to go through that stress. i keep putting the comfort of others above my own

i tried really hard to just be a girl, to just have being a wlw the furthest extent of my queerness, because the people around me were comfortable with it. i tried making playlists about girl power to convince myself, because who would ever view me as anything but a girl

and sometimes i am one! i let my gf call me girlfriend and my sister call me little sis because i trust them to. and i can’t blame anyone for being confused about my gender

but i’m not going to invalidate any of the moments when i have felt male, because i know myself, even if my internalized transphobia was stopping me from communicating my true feelings

anyway idk i am just making this thread bc being genderfluid is hard!!!! and messy!!!! but i am making steps to understand and love myself!!!!!!! i am looking back on the past eight years of my life and sorting it all out

if you know someone genderfluid, please be patient and compassionate and please check in on how they would like to be referred to. and pronouns don’t always = gender

i like they/them because it encapsulates all the genders i fluctuate between, not because i feel 100% gender neutral all the time

ok end thread!!!!! it’s not really supposed to be coherent but i just!!!!!! have been bottling this up for so long and i needed to be honest about it