That gorgeous thread re: jc + lwj bonding sparked something chaotic in me...

*puts on my clown shoes*

SO. If you've ever heard of organ donations, you've likely heard of recipients sometimes having strange... phantom cravings, or feelings. Like w/heart transplants, for example:

The phantom cravings could be as minute as wanting to eat chicken wings, when you have spent the past 12 years of your life strictly vegan.

The phantom feelings could be as bad as reliving that person's feelings at the time of their murder. And yes, this has reportedly happened!

But let's keep the angst in the middle, shall we? + the golden core is located in the ass, but let's just assume its functionality in a cultivation user's life is akin to their (spiritual) heart, ya dig?

So now, let's look at Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji

Now, there are like 4 ideal shipping eras for them: Cloud Recesses, wwx's time in the Burial Mounds, right before wwx's death, + then the 13-16 years before his resurrection. Not bad choices!

I'm gonna stick w/ the time b/w the Burial Mounds + his resurrection, for 1 reason:

The golden core transfer.

I like the idea of jc getting those phantom cravings/feelings once he receives wwx's core, but he doesn't know why. So, he dismisses it as just the byproducts of missing him: starts out small, like yeah I want Emperor's Smile, it's his favorite drink...

Until one day, let's say while looking for wwx during that 3 month Burial Mounds period, jc looks over at lwj in the middle of the night and feels like -- a spark, hard as a punch but as soothingly molten as his sister's soup, pour down his throat + pool low in his gut.

It's shocking, to say the VERY least. But... unsurprising. After all, lwj became such a fixture in their lives at CR thanks to wwx's troublemaking. + they're now in the middle of a war together, every day. A little fondness was sure to develop. It doesn't really mean anything.

Sure, MAYBE jc would inadvertently lean in a bit too close during these 3 months. He's a flushed from a decisive victory + too much drink w/his soldiers, + he seeks lwj out for... some silly desire, fluttering against his chest. And jc finds him, ,+ they're talking next steps, +

A mood just hits him... but of course, lwj would pull away before anything serious happened. + jc would realize what the FUCK he was doing, or about to do, or something -- + he'd all but flee. Never spoken about again.

But then wwx comes back. Very much alive, but dead inside.

And it's a change neither jc or lwj can really comfortably adjust to, given all that wwx was to both of them before this. It's especially too much for lwj, who's being pushed away just as he's realizing how desperately he loves wwx --

lwj's desperation is important here!

B/c at this point in mdzs, lwj held wwx down + kissed him at the Phoenix Mountain Hunt. Like, poured all his passion + confusion into that kiss, + then destroyed a tree. Very sexy of him, also a little sad. That boy was HURTING, y'all. No satisfaction to be found.

So: enter jc.

Jc, who has his brother back, alive, along w/the promise of a Lotus Pier reborn. But there's a distance b/w them too, + for all that jc is trying, his brother keeps pulling away. This is def the start of jc's own angry, desperate grudge vs. wwx; but for now, it's hurt/confusion.

At some point, after Sunshot but before wwx's descent meets its bitter end, jc + lwj have a surprise meeting. At this point, let's even say wwx has now taken residence in the Burial Mounds w/the Wens, where he is desperate in his own way + very much alone.

And jc can feel that.

He can't say where it's coming from, nor can he say where it's being directed towards. But when he sees lwj on one random night -- fuck, let's even say after lwj went to visit wwx + a-yuan -- a flood of emotions hit him. Anger. Hurt. And so much desperate longing.

All I'm saying is that this precise moment is the perfect storm, for all three of them. And if lwj + jc didn't hook up before now, + would be too enraged w/one another to do so after wwx's death (I mean, hatefucks could still happen!), then they would CERTAINLY do it here.

And hell, it might actually be a bit -- cathartic, in a way, for them. Jc can finally exorcise the demons in his head over this man, b/c his heart seems to sing when they kiss. Lwj will try to do the same: test how deep his feelings are, selfishly hope it still can be redirected

But he will close his eyes + only feel wwx's hands on him. Caress the man before him in turn, + hear wwx's moan. Reach out, unconsciously, across the physical abyss of their bodies and trick himself into feeling the borders of wwx's spiritual energy brushing against his own

Overall, it is objectively good. They both come, + tension hangs a bit looser from their shoulders. Jc might even make a joke, referencing some past funny moment b/w them during Sunshot. + lwj would -- not smile, really, but at least share in the recollection. Good enough.

Jc feels a bit calmer, a bit more confident in the things he can control in his life, all things considered. Lwj rarely regrets things, so he doesn't regret this. It's... a learning experience, perhaps. At the very least, it could represent a turning point. A hope for the future

And then, a few weeks later, wwx dies at the Battle of Nightless City.

Again, not discounting any hatefucks during those 13-16 years after. Those are sexy! Give me all that teeth + bruising + roughness, baby! They barely look at each other during or after. They don't talk at all

But I'm in a mood! + that mood is: let jc have a nice time w/seemingly no strings attached, for once. Let lwj have a more bittersweet recognition of his love for wwx, vs. all sad.

We can get back to the angst when Wen Ning reveals the core transfer to them both later