My crush wished me happy birthday n said he’s glad i was born (with 5 exclamation marks + a stray apostrophe) so im convinced he’s trying to literally kill me with kindness

Ladies. Gays. My good (and bad) (and naughty) bitches.

When i got back from my walk i saw a text from him that said he had a gift for me that “would require me calling you to share the gift” so i asked what n he said the moment passed but it was a poem

Answer!

me this

girls n gays:

How. In the HELL. Is *ANY* of this! A cishet interaction?????????????????

BITCHCRAFT AND FAGGOTRY ABOUNDS, MY QUEERS

Like. Just give me... one.

ONE (1) heterosexual explanation for this behavior n we can discuss the queer theory at play here.

Just one.

I will accept absolutely wild hypotheses here.

I just need the one. K.