Thread by @RavenWorks, hey so I think I'm just gonna think out loud about something [...]

hey so I think I& #39;m just gonna think out loud about something that I just now noticed is a pattern maybe!

when I left(?) on my vacation back whenever, I was super burnt out and needed to rest up

but before the first week of vacation was even over, I was stressing myself out over feeling like I need to work on too much stuff

and at the time I was like "well, that& #39;s because I& #39;m so backed up on projects from being burnt out so long", and I resolved to drop a bunch of the (potential) projects

and then I got distracted by doing something for mother& #39;s day, which was relevant because I needed to

and my first week back at work was fine, but then, all this past week, I kept realising I was working late? I& #39;d just lose track of time, and then be like "well I should at least wrap up this feature before I stop", which happens, but it was every day…

and I was just like "what a funny weird coincidence… I know not to make a habit of this though, so it& #39;s fine, it& #39;s just several coincidences"

then yesterday, after going out and doing Stressful Groceries, I came back and really buckled down into transcribing tracklists, which is a big messy hobby, but I love it to pieces

and I wound up, somehow, staying up super late? I don& #39;t know how or why, I just know that I started feeling my brain like, shutting down from sleep deprivation, and then realised it was already past midnight, but I just needed to wrap up the one that I was on first…

but that& #39;s a hobby that always kinda tends to suck me in; there& #39;s always edge cases upon edge cases, and more research that needs to be done, and problems that reveal other problems, it& #39;s just catnip for my brain

so I didn& #39;t think too much of it

then today I decided to see if I could find a way to 3d print a flextangle

(long story short, printing joints at that many angles just isn& #39;t feasible with my style of printer)

but like: I got so caught up in it, that I kept working well past when I should have had dinner, even though I was *really* hungry

all that to say: I feel like I& #39;ve mostly been handling quarantine pretty well, I& #39;m used to working from home so it& #39;s not *that* much of a change

so like: I kinda haven& #39;t been keeping an eye on myself I guess?

and like:

I guess I kinda get workaholic when I& #39;m stressed out about stuff? and maybe I need to be a bit more conscious of that?

I& #39;m so used to just being super grateful for a productivity drive; I can tend to get burnt out, or sick or tired or whatever, and not able to tap into it, so when it happens I just dive in with both feet and ride it while it lasts

but it& #39;s been like *a week*, and in the past two days it& #39;s kept me from proper sleeping *and* proper eating.

so maybe I should like… make a conscious effort *not* to just chase that productivity jones

before I like, regret not having slowed down sooner

and like also: maybe start taking self-care steps even though I& #39;m "feeling fine"? because if something& #39;s driving me to distract myself this hard, then maybe I& #39;m not fine, maybe I& #39;m just drinking super deep from the Coping Mechanisms well and that can only go on so long

honestly, as soon as I got to the point in this thread where I started talking about considering whether I should slow down, I started yawning out of nowhere, so

anyway yeah just, jotting this down as some kinda accountability, and to get myself to think it out

idk

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