Durham (my birthplace) is in the news for all the wrong reasons (sorry folks, most of us aren't massive bellends) but also Klute gets a mention, so let's take a journey back to my teenage years and officially Europe's worst nightclub 2 years running...

Klute was owned by Dom's uncle (not going to check that, but think that's the relationship). It was voted worst nightclub in Europe for 2 years running. Was that the start of this unelected advisors anger with Europe? Who gives a fuck!

Tuesday night was indie night, so that's when I'd be there. No charge for the cloakroom you just walked in and hung your coat up. Assuming you were soft enough to need one in the subzero temperatures outside! What are you? Some soft southerner from York or something!

Now in about 1994 they did a lot of building work, which you'd think would stop the whole underage nightclub thing, but... No problem! It just stayed open with holes in the floor for you to break your ankle in.

When they were finally done the downstairs reopened with mirrors on all the walls. They lasted about 20s into RATM Killing in the name of, where the game was to throw yourself at the biggest person you could and see how far you flew out of the crowd

There was another dancefloor on the 2nd floor, and the toilets we're on the floor above that. There was also a dry ice machine, and the dj had something of a heavy hand. Which had some implications...

By about midnight the toilets were waste deep in fog. And pissed kids guessing where the urinals were at were pissing all over the floor. Leading to a stream (an actual stream) of piss running back down the stairs to the dancefloor

Anyway, enough of all that irrelevant shit. How's the UK government response to the coronavirus going?