tw mental illness

i think the reason kpop is deep for me is because i use it to feel things, I don’t experience much emotion in day to day life + in the past i used to cope with that with self harm but now I use kpop, it’s a lot healither but if I’m not constantly getting +

albums or photocards in the mail i ** literally ** feel empty which isn’t healthy but idk how to stop - it’s like if I stop caring about this I’ll stop caring about everything so it’s literally like I’m holding onto my kpopboys for dear life ,, i love them and they make me +

happy but it’s scary how much I rely on them for happiness now - I have only 2 who I met up with and not seeing them has really had a massive impact too and they make me happy but not seeing them as well is hard ,, there was no point of this thread but ???