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I found out recently that I won the Omenn award (top award given to one PhD student per year) for my school. Which, first of all - WHAAAA!?!?
So I was asked to speak at our graduation. Its not going in my speech, but I wanted to share something I've been thinking about. 1/
So I was asked to speak at our graduation. Its not going in my speech, but I wanted to share something I've been thinking about. 1/
I know we all have imposter syndrome. And some of us have explicitly been told we don't belong or won't succeed. When I was looking to apply to grad school I reached out to a program officer for my department. They were initially very supportive and asked me to send my resume. 2/
After I sent it, their follow up email literally titled 'Do you really want epidemiology' suggesting I wasn't really familar with the field, or program and would need to take additional courses to be a competitive applicant. I'm sure they meant well, but this is what I heard
3/
3/
At this point I had a B.S. in public health, had taken an into epi course in undergrad, some basic research experience and time out of school working in public health practice.
I knew I wanted epi, so I applied anyways. 4/
I knew I wanted epi, so I applied anyways. 4/
I got into the program, and was thrilled to accept. And before the program started I got an eval for dyslexia to see if I needed a little extra time for exams.
Turns out, I had a bad case of dyscalculia - dyslexia but for numbers. I struggle with mental math, but who cares? 5/
Turns out, I had a bad case of dyscalculia - dyslexia but for numbers. I struggle with mental math, but who cares? 5/
When telling me the results, the woman who did the assessment told me I should strongly consider a different career choice since numbers were so hard for me.
My response? 6/
My response?
6/
But here's the thing - the doubts those two expressed played like a broken record in my head for the first few years of grad school.
Whenever I missed a question on a test, or was confused about a concept, I felt like my worst fears were confirmed.
7/
Whenever I missed a question on a test, or was confused about a concept, I felt like my worst fears were confirmed.
7/
Honestly, their doubts pushed me to work harder than I would have otherwise. But it made me feel like I couldn't talk to my classmates or teachers about struggling for fear that they would find out I didn't belong.
They made an already hard experience harder.
8/
They made an already hard experience harder.
8/
Since I heard I received this award, I've felt this pressure in my chest unwind. I feel like maybe I do actually belong in this field, doing the work I love.
9/
9/
But the thing is - I'm sure lots of people have feel like imposters or have been told to do something else. So I wanted to say - you belong. You should stay. And your being in this work is important. 10/
And finally - please take a minute to tell people you like their work, or appreciate their perspective whenever you can. You never know who needs to hear that message. /fin.
