*Overly Pious Thread Klaxon*
For the last two years I have been training for ordained ministry in the Church of England. It’s been a bumpy road to get here, and the fact that ordinations are being delayed by at least 3 months due to the ‘rona has been pretty heartbreaking. /1

I’m not sure if I actually laughed in Fr. @EdwardBGreen’s face when he asked (during a cheeky Nando’s) if I had ever considered that I might be called to the priesthood, but I certainly felt like it. I do remember replying “The Church isn’t going to ordain someone like me!” /2

When I started part-time theological training with @CMSPioneer back in 2014, I was still working the other 4 days a week as a self-employed bricklayer. Combining this with the motorcycle and tattoos, I didn’t feel like my face exactly ‘fitted’. /3

Eddie introduced me to @changingworship (a fellow biker) and others, and slowly convinced me to consider it. He also put his neck on the line by asking if he could sponsor me as the Church I was attending was in vacancy without a priest. /4

To my absolute shock, after a nervous few hours repeatedly hitting ‘Get Mail’, the email arrived two weeks after my BAP and I had been recommended for training. I had, by this point, convinced myself it would be a definite ‘no’. /5

I discerned with the DDO that a context-based training would suit best - I wasn’t ready to take my hand away from the plough for 2 years after already ministering as a lay-pioneer here in Luton, finding the sorts of experiences I had with people on the edges deeply formational /6

Training with @CMSPioneer & @RiponCuddesdon has been amazing, with placement combing stuff in Luton and internship @RNPStAlbans. But despite absolutely loving CMS & Cudders, the imposter syndrome was still strong - I only bought vestments at the last minute, expecting to fail. /7

I was super stressed about finding a curacy, and was deeply grateful when I was offered THE PERFECT one at St. Paul’s Bedford - lovely TI, inclusive-catholic, bells and smells, and the chance to do pioneer ministry in an urban context with lots of challenges. BINGO! /8

When it became abundantly clear that the ‘rona was going to make a big mess of this transition, I tried to tell myself others were facing far worse situations, but deep down I was heartbroken. I’ve been in a bit of a funk, and the house-move + assignment stress hasn’t helped /9

I’ve been reading @FrGregBoyle’s ‘Barking to the Choir’ for the last couple of days, and frankly, it’s gently but powerfully reminded me of the reasons I got into this whole shindig. In the busyness of training, placement and family life, I’d started to forget at times. /10

So tonight, when doing my usual silent meditation during evening prayer (helped by tips from the Buddhist monk down the road), it struck me that this ordination delay is actually a huge gift. The busyness of the last 2 years has been disorienting .. /11

doing a 3 year part-time MA in 2, + busy placements and demanding family life, I’m wiped out. Life has changed at a dizzying pace in the 5 years since I last held a bricktrowel for money. So I’m hoping to get some time to remember more about the ‘why’, before the collar comes./12

If anybody has made it to the end of this verbal-processing session (extrovert lockdown issues) I hope it might help you find some way to find a gift in this mess. God didn’t do this, but God is present in it. Beckoning to us for 5 minutes of quiet, “Come away with me my love...”

I see you @alicelydiajoy - liking the last tweet so I know you read it all. You’re the best.