i understand a lot of people don't believe in 'you can't love anyone else until you love yourself' and ive always seen this phrase being criticized by people. however, the times ive felt the lowest and most horrible about myself, any and all forms of love seems like lies to me.

it's hard for me to process that someone loves me, and validation when im at my lowest feels suffocating to me. i don't ever develop feelings or get attached to people when im going through a mentally tough time because i know im at my most vulnerable.

i have a hard time loving someone else until im comfortable with them loving me back, and for me to be comfortable with someone else loving me, i need to be at peace with myself and believe i deserve it and it's not a lie.

and so i don't think I can love or be loved when I'm not okay with who i am. i won't go as far as to say i need to 100% love myself, however, i usually get into a relationship when im in a relatively healthy state of mind and have a comfortable relationship w myself.