I have thoughts about that woman who dissolved her company because her husband could not handle caring for their one child for 3 days. It sounds like, pandemic & lack of child care aside, she needed a reset & a break from her incredibly demanding career. So good for her! 1/1M
It sounds like she’s a taker-onner, because she speaks of how her workload increased so much when her partner pulled back for family responsibilities. Could she have done the same but did not? 2/1M
I bet, judging (truly judgey judging) from the fact that her husband was utterly exhausted caring for their 3 year-old for 3 days that even in good times, she was overstressed by emotional labors of being wife/mom that I 100% assume existed in addition to 70 hour work weeks. 3/1M
But sometimes helplessness really can sneak up on you in a marriage, especially if one or both are controlling, either by choice or by necessity. If one person wants to take everything on & demands nothing of their partner, it won’t be long until atrophy sets in. 4/1M
If one person feels like they have to control everything because the other person is inept, that person will never become ept! If one person feels like they have to control everything because the other person won’t do their part, that’s a red flag... 5/1M
If your partner isn’t approaching half the diapers/meals/baths/bedtimes when you are the breadwinner & working what amounts to almost 2 full-time jobs, it would be a miracle if they stepped up when the chips are down. 6/1M
And, there is so much psychology & interpersonal dynamics that get a couple to that place. And both parties usually bear some responsibility. The brunt falls on the person who is being a giant load, of course. 7/1M
But, has the giant load been gatekept from participating due to their perceived shortcomings or did they always demur? Is the giant load suffering from depression? Are there confused feelings about traditional roles & what providing means? 8/1M
I feel like that family has a lot of issues to unpack & we all have big feelings based on a few lines about who they are as people. The husband declined to comment & the wife did not. I mean...they may be partners but doesn’t sound like they’re on the same team. 9/1M
Maybe this is her escape plan, to rebuild her life anew, maybe without him. Maybe he wants out or, when things get better, he’ll return to work & they’ll be the Cleavers. But it’s a bummer 13 employees were laid off because a marriage lacked ground rules. 10?/1M
Being in a domestic partnership is tons of work. Being a parent is tons of work. Working is tons of work! I hate that this was framed as “choosing motherhood” because that is hugely privileged. The woman handing you your drive-thru coffee may also be “choosing motherhood.” WTF?
You “choose motherhood” by becoming a mother who raises her child however she can. We don’t say men who work outside of the home are eschewing fatherhood, FFS. This is the kind of dumb shit that gets us to a place where a dad can’t parent for 3 days. 12/1M
Anyway, no neat wrap up on this. Like I said, none of us know the whole story here. But full disclosure, I have been the breadwinner, the taker onner AND the giant load throughout different times in my marriage & parental duties. It’s fucking complicated AND... 13/1M
I stupidly & youngly barely gave it a thought before entering into it. And there have been times when it was rough as fuck, but I am so lucky that BY LUCK, I entered into it with someone who is a true partner even when one or both of us sucks or the world sucks. /end
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