I’m…still upset about this article. And now I’m going to rant about it from the perspective of a childbirth professional with 4 years of experience and nearing 90+ families served from all walks of life, income levels, races, religions, etc.

BEGIN RANT: https://www.thelily.com/i-had-to-choose-being-a-mother-with-no-child-care-or-summer-camps-women-are-being-edged-out-of-the-workforce/?fbclid=IwAR2ly86prcjuEcAQqkEJPi82QhIzusMqpm33G3R_d89oSHOp2JN1kyKTljM

I’m going to preface this rant by saying I’ve been blessed to witness many examples of marriage and family life that were so beautiful they brought tears to my eyes. Many men are great partners and fathers, but many are not, and WHEW have I seen the depths of men’s bullshit.

In doula school, we learn something called “The Cooking Show Face.” Meaning it doesn’t matter if you cut your entire hand off whilst metaphorically baking cookies, “You keep f*cking stirring.” (My trainer’s words, not mine).

This is especially helpful if a mom is having a psychiatric emergency, or when a dad tells you he can’t go get formula for his newborn because he has to make his kickoff time or whatever the equivalent of that is in golf. (This is a true story, and yes they are divorced now.)

Women are masters of the Cooking Show Face—hiding pain with a smile, niceness, politeness, and self-sacrifice even in the face of the worst abuse and mistreatment. I don’t just mean physical DV or adultery, but financial manipulation…

…intentionally doing things slowly/incorrectly so that their wife will pick up the slack (which is especially rich when we’re talking about a pregnant or freshly postpartum mother), complaining about “babysitting” the kids they ALSO CREATED, etc.

All I see in this article is Cooking Show Face. I have had many a conversation with women that confessed they HATE their husband/partner. It bleeds over into every area of life, including parenting.

When I first started this work I learned quickly to adjust my own expectations of men in order to do my job (preparing and supporting the entire family) and make small interventions in a nonjudgemental, but effective manner.

I’ve had multiple clients tell me that I helped save their marriage. (I also regularly refer out to licensed therapists/LCSWs). I’ve seen several end in violence and divorce, and unfortunately I’ve gotten pretty good at guessing how long couples are gonna last.

The second thing I hate about this article, is that every person on the face this planet came from a woman. There’s nothing wrong with being a working mom or choosing to be a SAHM be it temporarily or forever. Both are work + necessary for society + the human race at large.

So why does the workforce STILL penalize women for the work that only we can do?? Apparently there’s a lot of men that can’t manage to work and parent their kids, but women are expected to do so, yet still make less, + risk their careers in a way that men are not required to do.

Women are not optional in public or private life. Yet this pandemic is showing that we still think they are. So don’t tell me feminism isn’t completely f*cking necessary. END RANT.